（《达文西密码》 丹布朗著）
-嗨 宝贝 -嗨 宝贝 -Hey, babe. -Hi, babe.
早安 Morning.
嗨 Hey.
-拜拜 -拜拜 -Bye. -Bye.
（#加油灰狗）
喂 你不去办公室 Oi! You're not going to your office?
不 我想先去咖啡馆买杯茶 Uh, no. I was just gonna go to the café and get a cup of tea first.
好 Oh, cool.
我可以一起吗 Can I come?
当然 Yeah, course.
太好了 Sweet.
（伟大的内特拯救了里士满）
（是 内特 好样的 哥们 奇迹小子）
（内特帅气逼人）
（在我心目中 助理教练内特 是本场比赛的英雄）
没错 That's right.
又制定一条没用的政策 一周后再反悔 一群白痴 Make another useless policy you're gonna backtrack on in a week. Idiots.
你又对着报纸说话了吗 亲爱的 Talking to the newspapers again, sweetheart?
它们回话时记得告诉我 Let me know if they ever talk back.
你们好 嗨 妈妈 Hello, hello. Hey, Mom.
-嗨 宝贝 -给你买的 来 -Hi, darling. -Got you these. There you go.
谢谢 今天是什么特别日子 Thank you. What's the occasion?
没什么 只是寻常的一天 Oh, nothing. You know, just an ordinary day.
嗨 Hey.
快瞧这个 Oh, wow. Look at that.
不错 Oh. That's a good one, that.
嗨 爸爸 Hey, Dad.
内森 Nathan.
（“奇迹小子”赢了比赛）
真不可思议 Would you look at that.
如今真是什么人都能上报纸了 对吧 They'll let anyone in the newspapers nowadays, won't they?
人们说谦虚不是自我评价低 They say humility is not thinking less of yourself
而是少想想自己 but thinking about yourself less.
我的奇迹小男孩 My little boy wonder.
抱歉 妈妈 应该是奇迹小子 Uh, yeah, sorry, Mom, but it's Wonder Kid.
其实我以为我说的是“神童” Um, wunderkind, actually, is what I think I said.
但是我…没有… But I just, um, uh, didn't, um…
-嗨 大夫 -嗨 泰德 请进 -Hey, Doc. -Hi, Ted. Come in.
好的 我想再次感谢你 Yeah, okay. I wanted to thank you again
那天晚上帮我渡过小困境 for helping me out with that little hiccup the other night.
其实我已经觉得好多了 所以不知道是否有必要继续 I'm actually feeling better, so I don't know if this is necessary, really.
别客气 随便坐 Make yourself comfortable.
好的 Okay.
谢谢 那我就坐了 坐在这里 Let me sit. I can sit here.
声音好大 It's, uh-- Oh! It's noisy.
是 这样好了 嘿 我还是坐在长椅上 Yes. Oh-- you know what? Hey, I'll, you know, go on the couch.
对 这样挺好 Here we go. How about that?
嘿 我是谁 Uh, hey, who am I?
唐德雷普 对吧 Don Draper, right?
对 这样会不会太正式了 我不想穿着鞋子把脚放上去 Yeah. Isn't that a little formal? Um, oh, I don't wanna put my shoes on there.
还是这样吧 我躺下 来 You know what? I'll lay down, right? Here we go.
脚抬起来 像这样 I'll just pop my feet up here. Like this, you know?
就像孩子们露营时睡在上铺 Like a couple kids on their top bunk on camp--
我不知道我的手臂该怎么摆 感觉… I don't know what to do with my arm. It feels…
这样 这就对了 就这样好了 Here. Oh, here we go. This is what we'll do.
经典姿势 就像《纽约客》漫画里那样 We'll go just classic, how you see, like, in New Yorker cartoons.
对吧 这样好了 Right? Oh, know what?
把这个垫在下面 放平脊椎 I'll put this under here to help even out my spine.
然后…对 这样很舒服 好的 Then-- Oh, yeah, that feels nice. Okay.
所以我该做什么 是不是…不 那样… Now, what do I do here? Do I just-- No, that's like…
就像滑下滑水梯 像雪橇 Like I'm going down a water slide or something like that. Like a luge.
这样 这有点像躺在棺材里 对吧 好 Uh… Here. That's a little too "casket-y," isn't it? Okay.
不如…这样吧 How about-- Here, let's do this.
好了 现在如何 可以吗 All right, how's this? This good?
最好还是坐起来吧 Probably sitting is best.
当然 没问题 好的 Oh, sure. That's good. Okay.
好的 All right.
好了 你在这呢 Yeah, there we go. Ooh. There you are.
我们离得挺近的 非常亲近 Quite intimate here, you know? Close. Close quarters.
就像在拍《黑道家族》 It's like we're on a episode of The Sopranos,
不过没有那些无谓的暴力 这是好事 without all the gratuitous violence, which is a good thing.
但也少了蛤蜊意粉 这是坏事 But a lot less spaghetti and clams too, which is a bad thing.
所以… So…
嘿 这是谁 它的故事是什么 Hey, who's this guy? What's his story?
你还好吗 伙计 是吗 好 很好 You good, buddy? Yeah? Okay, good.
它很友好 做着自己的本职工作 Very agreeable fella, you know? Just doin' his thing.
-你这里有面巾纸啊 -对 面巾纸 -You got tissues over there, huh? Hmm. -Yes, tissues.
是 用来做什么的 Yeah. What are those for?
在这里人们有时会情绪激动 Sometimes it gets a bit emotional in here.
-不是每一次都这样 但有时会 -是… -Not always, but sometimes. -Yep, yep, yep.
有时人们只是打喷嚏 Sometimes people just sneeze.
对 没错 我们俩都同意 Yeah. Yeah, they do. Well, we both agree with you.
挺好 我的花粉热在这里不严重 Yeah. Yeah, my hay fever's been pretty good over here.
也许是因为英国的花粉比较少 所以… Must be a low pollen count in the UK, so…
好的 我们什么时候开始 Okay. All right. Well, when do we start?
我们已经开始了 We've already started.
-你一进门就开始了 -什么 不好 -We started when you entered in here. -What? Oh, shoot!
抱歉 我感觉自己已经浪费了好多时间 Well, I'm sorry. I feel like I've wasted a bunch of time already,
一直在沙发上胡闹 还被你的室内摆设弄得分心了 with all of the couch shenanigans and noticing your accoutrements.
-这… -泰德 -It's, uh-- -Ted.
什么事 Yeah?
别担心 Don't worry.
是 当然不会 我一点也不担心 Uh, yeah. No, of course. I'm not worried at all.
对 Yeah.
好的 Okay.
你想聊什么 What-- I mean, what do you wanna talk about?
不如你告诉我那天晚上发生了什么吧 Why don't you tell me what happened the other night?
我不想咨询了 Yeah. I don't wanna do this.
好的 来 过来… All right, come on! Come here, come here, come here, come here.
好的 各位 All right, fellas.
听着 有两件事永远不能让对手球队知道 Look, there are two things you can't ever let the other team know, all right?
第一个是你的家庭住址 请谨记 The first one's your home address. Mark my words.
否则你会每天24小时收外卖、被特警造访 You'll start having food deliveries and SWAT teams showing up 24-7,
这很疯狂 因为在我那个年代 which is nuts, 'cause in my day,
我们只需要担心恶作剧电话 all we had to worry about was crank phone calls.
后来有了来电显示 那项恶作剧就退出了历史的舞台 Then, with the advent of caller ID, that joy got 86'd from the prank menu,
这太可惜了 因为捣蛋双宝是国家宝藏 which is a darn shame, 'cause the Jerky Boys were a national treasure.
你们有空了应该搜一下他们 Y'all should give them a google sometime.
不过我跑题了 But I digress.
你不能让对手知道的第二件事是你累了 The second thing that you don't want your opponent to know is that you're tired.
好的 我知道你们都筋疲力尽 我懂 Okay, look, I know y'all are exhausted. I get it.
但我希望你们不要表现出来 But I don't want you to show it.
我不想看到你们 一脸疲惫地走来走去 全部都… I don't wanna see y'all walking around with your tired faces, all…
好吗 在球场上气都喘不过来 不行 不接受 谢谢 Okay? Just huffing and puffing around the pitch. Uh-uh. No, thank you.
教练 脸上能出现的唯一表情是 The only face I wanna see from y'all is, what, Coach?
-比赛的表情 宝贝 -没错 对 -Game face, baby! -Darn tootin', Vladimir Putin. Right.
-明白了吗 -是 教练 - Y'all feel me? - Yes, Coach!
那就好 站好了 Good. Okay, good. Now, hop up there.
好的 负责进攻的人 你们留在 内特和彼尔德教练这里 Okay. Offense, y'all gonna stick around here with Coach Nate and Beard.
负责防守的人 跟着我和罗伊 快走吧 Defense, you're coming with me and Roy. On the hop.
快点 Move it!
好的 Okay. Right.
内特教练 你现在变成大牌了 希望你能继续帮我们训练 Coach Nate, I hope you're not too great to train us now.
谢谢 丹尼 Thank you, Dani.
你的训练一定要够厉害啊 你现在要保持住好名声 Those drills better be lit. You've got a reputation to keep up.
是 很好笑 谢谢 杰米 Yes, very funny. Thank you, Jamie.
我们真幸运 奇迹小子亲自为我们训练 Lucky us. We get to be trained by the Wonder Kid himself.
大人物 Ah, big man.
很好笑 科林 你成了脱口秀演员了 Oh, very funny, Colin. You a stand-up comic now?
挺讽刺的 因为那天比赛我把你换下场了 Kind of ironic, 'cause I sat you down at the match the other day.
好 我需要我们最棒的射手都上场 快 Right. I need all our best goal scorers on the pitch right now. Go.
科林…你可以不用上了 Colin, Colin. You can sit this one out, okay?
我是一个强大、有能力的人 I am a strong and capable man.
这是我的人生格言 That's my mantra.
酷 Cool.
（西伦敦最佳）
（伴伴 也许我们可以见见）
哥们 已经两天了 还没回复 Bro, it's been two days. Still nothing?
-没有 -不妙 -No. -Ouch, man.
有时会出现三个点 然后又消失了 Sometimes three dots appear, but then they go away again.
结束了 我搞砸了 It's over, man. I've messed up.
别想得这么负面 伙计 也许她没回复是有原因的 Don't be negative, amigo. There might be a good reason she hasn't replied.
对 也许她被巴士撞了 Yeah, maybe she got hit by a bus.
或火车 Or a train?
比较可能的是她对这段关系失去兴趣了 It's more likely she lost interest in the relationship.
也许她回头看了下对话 意识到这些短信很烂 Maybe she went back and saw how lame these texts are.
“我最喜欢的电影是《料理鼠王》” "My favorite film's Ratatouille."
嘿 听着 好的 Hey, listen. Okay.
没关系 我不在乎她有没有… It doesn't matter. I don't care if she doesn't-- Oh! Oh!
三个点… Three dots. Three dots.
真让人失望啊 That's a kick in the plums.
下次吧 哥们 Next time, man.
（今晚如何 ）
天啊 回他吧 已经两天了 Oh, my God. Just answer him. It's been two days.
我不知道该说什么 I don't know what to say.
说真话 How about the truth?
“我想见面 "I'd love to meet up,
但我担心你不符合 我在脑中勾画的理想形象 but I'm worried that you can't live up to the fantasy I've created in my head.
因此我要让自己的不安全感 So I'm going to let my insecurities
阻止我找到这位也许是真爱的对象” keep me from possibly finding my one true love."
他最喜欢的电影是《料理鼠王》 这有点让人忐忑 对吧 His favorite film is Ratatouille. That's worrying, right?
去见他 Meet him.
谁在乎他最喜欢的电影是什么 Who fucking cares what his favorite movie is?
而且《料理鼠王》是一部杰作 Also, Ratatouille is a goddamn masterpiece.
讽刺的是 电影主题是势利眼 以及好的艺术可能来自任何地方 Ironically, it's about snobbery and how good art can come from anywhere.
别犹豫不决了 去和你的卡通老鼠上床吧 Stop your dithering and go fuck your cartoon rat.
好吧 如果我们见面后一切都搞砸了呢 All right. Well, what if we meet up and it all goes wrong? Hmm?
一切无论如何都会搞砸 所有感情关系都是噩梦 I mean, everything always goes wrong. All relationships are a nightmare.
我的感情关系是我维系生命的氧气 My relationship is the oxygen that gives me life.
莱斯莉的婚姻是例外 毕竟他的婚姻美好得像节日祝福卡片 Apart from Leslie's marriage, which is a bloody greeting card of some kind.
你和罗伊在每一个方面 也都完美得令人咬牙切齿 And you and Roy are just aggravatingly perfect in every way.
谢谢 Oh, thank you.
倒不能这么说 I don't know.
我们不一起工作的时候要轻松多了 It was definitely easier when we didn't work together.
我只觉得我们永远都在对方身边 I just feel like we're around each other all the time.
无论我去哪里 他都像影子一样跟着 可爱、多毛的影子 Wherever I go, he's my shadow. My adorably hairy shadow, but--
这是在干什么 你们干嘛唱起爵士 What's going on? Why are you jazz scatting?
你们刚才在谈论我吗 Were you talking about me?
-对 我们在谈论你 -不是 -Yeah, we were talking about you. -No.
-随便 走吗 -好 -Oh, big whoop. You ready to go? -Yeah.
回复他 Answer him.
-拜拜 -拜拜 -Bye. -Bye.
二、三、四 Two, three, four.
-嗨 -嗨 -Hello. -Hello.
-快弄完了吗 -天 没有 -You nearly done? -God, no.
这份待做事项清单和我的手臂一样长 To-do list's as long as my arm.
什么 这只手臂 What? This arm?
可能 Maybe.
喂 这是在帮倒忙 Oi, that's not helping me.
好吧 我把手臂还给你 All right. I'll give you your arm back.
谢谢 Thank you.
把你的脖子给我 I'll take your neck.
我真的有好多事要做 Seriously, I have got a lot of work to do.
所以如果你非要在这里 那就去沙发上安静坐着 So if you're gonna be here, you need to go sit quietly on the couch
读你的书 好吗 and read your book, yeah?
谢谢 Thank you.
你这也是在帮倒忙 That's not helping me either.
什么 我完全是照你说的做 安静地坐在这里看我的书 What? I'm doing exactly what you said. I'm sitting quietly and reading my book.
你完全照我说的做实在是太性感了 You doing exactly what I tell you to do is so fucking hot.
-你好 泰德 -你好吗 大夫 -Hello, Ted. -What's up, Doc?
我很惊讶你回来了 I'm surprised you came back.
是 我不轻易放弃 Yeah, well, I don't quit things.
-你还好吗 泰德 -我好极了 再好不过 -How are you, Ted? -I'm swell, as well as fine and dandy.
-你呢 大夫 -我很好 -How about you, Doc? -I'm well.
很高兴听你这么说 Glad to hear it.
所以这是你第一次接受心理治疗 So, is this your first time doing therapy?
不 女士 我妻子和我曾接受过 一段时间的夫妻心理治疗 No, ma'am. My wife and I did couple's therapy for a little while.
感觉如何 How was that?
让我想想 Well, let's see.
我在伦敦 我妻子在堪萨斯的家里 I'm here in London, and my wife is back in Kansas,
幸好如此 因为如果她听见 我仍然称她为妻子 which is a good thing 'cause if she heard me referring to her as my wife still,
她会发火 she'd be hopping mad.
你进行的这些小聊要多久时间 How long these little chats you do take?
一次咨询通常是50分钟 Sessions typically last 50 minutes.
好的 但你是按小时计费的 Hmm, okay. But you charge by the hour, right?
没错 That's correct.
我猜你不太喜欢这样的咨询 I take it you're not a fan of this kind of work?
是的 女士 No, ma'am.
你认为原因是什么 Why's that, do you think?
你想听真话 You want the truth?
我只对真话有兴趣 泰德 I'm only interested in the truth, Ted.
因为我认为咨询是狗屁 'Cause I think it's bullshit.
你不了解我 我们过去没有交集 You don't know me. We don't have history.
但你却希望我袒露心扉 And yet you just expect me to spill my guts
讲述我人生中所有可怕的细节 about all the gory details of my life.
争吵、错误、我最深最黑暗的秘密 The fights, the mistakes, my deep dark secrets.
但你听我倾诉并非因为你在乎我 But you ain't listening 'cause you care about me.
不 你听我说话纯粹是因为 你收了钱要这么做 No. No, you're only listening to me 'cause you're paid to listen to me.
你收钱 写下你的笔记 为我的眼泪下诊断 You're getting paid to just jot down your little notes and diagnose my tears.
然后呢 大概是怪罪在我父母身上 And then what? Probably just blame it on my folks, right?
你说你只对真话有兴趣 I mean, you say you're only interested in the truth.
但是你做50分钟的工作 却收一小时的钱 And yet here you are, charging an hourly rate for only 50 minutes of work.
像我说的 这是狗屁 Like I said, it's bullshit.
（内森谢利是否已准备好 管理自己的球队 ）
-嗨 -内森 -Oh, hey. -Nathan.
天啊 Oh, my God.
-抱歉 -抱歉 山姆 -Sorry. Ah. -Sorry, Sam.
韦尔顿女士 嗨 Ms. Welton. Hi.
-叫我瑞贝卡就好 -瑞贝卡…真抱歉 -Call me Rebecca. -Rebecca. Rebecca, sorry.
这些设备啊 These machines, huh?
人与人之间从未如此紧密连接 又从未如此遥远 We've never been so connected, yet never further apart.
你是想说这句话吗 Is that what you were gonna say?
是的… Yes. Yes, it was.
-好的 祝你今天愉快 -好的 回头见 -All right. Um-- Have a good day. -Right. Uh, I'll see you later.
-你也是 拜拜 -回头见 山姆 - You too. Bye. - See you, Sam.
是 Um… Yes.
（经理办公室）
你好 你的新笔到了 - Hello. - Your new pens have arrived.
我放在这边了 I'll just leave 'em here.
好的 Yeah, all right.
好 'Kay.
抱歉 没看到你 科林 Sorry. Didn't see you there, Colin.
是因为我的迷彩服 It's the camouflage.
内特 能和你聊一下吗 Nate, wonder if I could have a quick word?
好 说吧 Yeah, go for it.
我只是好奇…我是不是 做了什么事冒犯了你 I just wondered-- Well, I was wondering if I'd done anything to annoy you.
因为我感觉昨天我的玩笑话让你生气了 It's just because I felt like you got angry at me for taking the piss yesterday,
可是丹尼和杰米也那么做了 但你没有生他们的气 but Dani and Jamie did the same thing, and you didn't get mad at them.
是 我可以…对 我可以解释 Oh, yeah, I can-- Yeah. No, I can explain that.
是这样 杰米和丹尼就像毕加索和高更 Um, you see, Jamie and Dani are like Picasso and Gauguin.
恋童癖 Pedophiles?
艺术家 他们是艺术家 Artists. They're artists.
科林 你也画画 但是你的作品不会进博物馆 And, uh, Colin, you paint too, but, um, your work doesn't end up in museums.
而是挂在… It hangs at--
你就像是假日旅馆的画 Well, you're like a painting at a Holiday Inn, you know?
你不会给人以灵感 你不会让人感动 You don't inspire. You don't move people.
你只是挂在那里 用来挡住血迹 You're there. You cover a bloodstain.
你尽职了 所以…做好你的本分就好 You do the job, so… just do the job.
好吗 All right?
（助理教练救场）
是你啊 Oh, it's you.
嗨 Hi.
嘿 我以为你已经戒烟了 Hey, I thought you quit smoking.
什么 是的 这只是为了盖住球鞋的臭味 What? Oh, I have. This is just covering up the smell of the boots.
这招聪明 Oh, that's smart.
那你为什么在这里 Then why you in here?
我只是需要一点空间 I just needed some space.
我就知道你在这里 I knew you'd be in here.
基莉和我决定在这里抽烟不算抽烟 This is the room where Keeley and I decided that smoking doesn't count.
被拆穿了 Busted.
-我确实需要空间 -躲谁呢 -I did also need some space. -Space from what?
罗伊 他正坐在我的办公室里 读《达文西密码》 Roy. He's sitting in my office reading Da Vinci Code.
他不停地嘟囔圣殿骑士团的事 He keeps muttering on about the Knights Templar.
不好意思 我来球鞋室拿…球鞋 Sorry, I just came to the boot room to get some… boots.
请自便 Knock yourself out.
谢谢 Thank you.
听着 我认为罗伊是万里挑一 真的 你们很清楚 Look, I think Roy is the cat's pajamas. I do. You know that.
只是我有时候需要独处 It's just sometimes I need a moment to myself, you know?
基莉 你抱怨毋须征求意见 Keeley, stop auditioning your complaints.
好 谢谢 Right. Thank you.
把你的想法告诉那个 可以真的让情况好转的人 Just tell the person who can actually do something about it.
这我不确定 老板 有时把想法封闭在心里更好 Well, I don't know, boss. Sometimes it's good to bottle things up.
腌黄瓜就是这么做的 That's how we get, you know, pickles.
-还有伏特加 -顶级初榨橄榄油 -And vodka. -Extra virgin olive oil.
-还有信 -什么 -And messages. -What?
-瓶中信 -对 -In bottles. -Oh, right.
威尔 你可以把我的名字从球衣上取掉 Oi, Will, do you think you could take me name off me shirt
然后贴一个更大的吗 and then put it back on but bigger?
搞什么 The fuck?
-他们在聊罗伊的事 -什么 -They're talking about Roy. -What?
-抱歉 -脾气暴躁的老混蛋 -Ah, sorry. -Grumpy old twat.
我同意脾气暴躁的部分 I agree with the grumpy part,
但我不太认同另外那个词 but the other two words I take umbrage with.
罗伊才不是那样 他很完美 Roy is none of those things. He's perfect.
这点我最清楚 因为我每天、每小时 And I should know because I spend every minute of every second
每分、每秒都和他在一起 好吗 of every hour of every day with him, all right?
好吧 告诉他你… Right, just tell him that you--
嗨 宝贝 Hi, babe.
你们在谈论我 You talking about me?
-是的 -绝对的 - Yes. - Definitely.
-走吗 -好 -Ready to go? -Yeah.
-拜拜 -拜拜 -Bye. -Bye.
再见 伙伴们 Adios, muchachos.
-你好吗 -嗨 - How you doing? - Hey.
圣殿骑士团… The Knights Templar business is fucking with my head.
因为你到处乱放东西 Because your shit is lying around.
你的东西比我多多了 You got more shit lying around than I got.
什么 睁眼瞧瞧这里 到处都是你的东西 你… What? Look at this place! It's loaded with your shit. Just-- Ju--
你看看浴室 看看你的垃圾… Just look at this bathroom! Look at all your shit…
你好吗 What's up?
-好呀 -干什么呢 -What's up? -What's going on?
我在看《欲望都市》 I'm just watching Sex and the City.
你怎么回事 购物狂吗 What are you, a crazy bag man?
它们的味道不同 They're different smells.
你看吧 我读书了 Well, enjoy. I'm gonna read.
好 Cool.
等等 你用生发剂 我不知道你需要… Wait a minute. You use Rogaine? I didn't know you needed--
这是预防性的 It's preventative.
-你有脱发问题 -我不想谈这个 -Is your hair falling out? -I don't wanna talk about it!
看来并非只有女人才有独处时的秘密习惯 It seems it's not only women who have secret single behavior.
这是我的东西 别随便翻我的东西 This is my stuff! Don't be going through my stuff.
你总是翻我的东西 You were more than happy to go through my stuff.
不是吧 No way.
我没有“总是”做什么 而且我让你搬进来了 I don't ''always do'' anything. And I have let you in.
这本书一拿起就放不下来 因为每章都很短 You can't put it down 'cause the chapters are so short.
闭嘴 Oh, shut up.
-闭嘴 -对 闭嘴 -Shut up? -Yes. Shut up.
你让我闭嘴 You're telling me to shut up?
天啊 Oh, my God.
拜托你闭嘴吧 Please, just shut up!
这家伙在他的大腿上 捆了一条带刺的皮带… This geezer wears like a spiked belt around his thigh--
老天爷啊 罗伊 Fucking hell, Roy!
什么 要我读给你听吗 What? Do you want me to read it to you?
不 我…只是想看电视剧 No. I-- No, I just wanna watch my TV show,
而你弄得我完全没兴致了 and you're rucking ruining it for me!
我只是需要一点时间 没有你在旁边读书或让我兴奋 I just need some time without you reading or turning me on
或是无时无刻不在身边 or just fucking being there all the time!
你不希望我让你兴奋 You don't want me to turn you on?
不 我…有时希望 但不是每时每刻 No! I-- Yes, I do, sometimes. Just not all the time.
有时我需要独处 Sometimes I need to be by myself.
等等 你和别人谈的是这件事 Wait, is this what you've been talking to everyone about?
对 但你毫不在意 Yeah. But you don't care.
我不在意是因为我以为是往常的小事 I didn't when I thought it was the usual stuff
比如八卦或是抱怨排水口有太多我的毛发 like gossip or how much hair I leave in the drain.
毛发确实很多 It is a lot of fucking hair.
你让其他人觉得我到哪都黏着你 You've been making out to everyone like I'm following you around
就像一块黏人、甩不掉的冰箱磁铁 like a needy, clingy fucking fridge magnet.
我是个白痴 I-- I'm an idiot.
真该死 Oh, fuck this!
该死
真糟 Ah, shit.
本周横空出世的英雄 助理教练内特谢利 And surprise hero of the week, assistant coach Nate Shelley
在比赛后期作出大胆果敢的英明决策 with a heroically ballsy late-in-the-game strategy
助里士满进入半决赛 that put Richmond into the semis.
我们都同意 We can all agree,
奇迹小子应该管理属于自己的球队 the Wonder Kid should be managing his own team.
他拥有精准的直觉 不得不说 还有出色的… Savage instincts, and if I may say, an excellent serve--
天 哇 Oh-- God. Oh. Wow.
是你 抱歉 It's you. Sorry.
你对科林很无礼 You were rude to Colin.
不只是无礼 是人身攻击 还很奇怪 Not just rude. It was personal and weird.
你说得完全对 No, you're absolutely right, um…
你告诉泰德了吗 Did you tell Ted?
没有 只有我们俩知道 No. This is just between me and you.
好的 Okay.
好好改进 Do better.
你可以出去了 The door is behind you.
是 Yeah.
等等 这是我的… Wait, this is my--
（欢迎来到AFC里士满）
嗨 Hi.
我早餐吃了粥 多谢关心 I had porridge for breakfast. Thanks for asking.
“好吃吗 ” 这个问题很不错 宝贝 "Oh, how was it?" That's a great follow-up question, babe.
粥太烫了 而且说实话 太稠了 It was too hot and, honestly, it was too thick,
所以我烫伤了舌头 差点噎死 so burnt my tongue on it and I almost choked to death.
总之不算是个好的早晨 Not a good morning so far.
你好 泰德 Hello, Ted.
我知道你会回来 I thought you'd be back.
真的 为什么 Really? Why's that?
你说你不轻易放弃 You said you never quit.
我能对你坦白一件事吗 Can I be honest with you about something?
什么 我的胡子里有鼻屎 What? I got a boogie in my 'stache?
不…我在开玩笑 抱歉 请说 No-- I'm kidding. Sorry, go ahead.
你那天对我职业的评价令我很生气 I was quite offended by what you said about my profession…
你说因为咨询师有收费 that just 'cause a therapist is being paid,
所以他们其实根本不在乎 they don't actually care.
我有一个问题 你愿意免费当教练吗 Let me ask you something. Would you coach for free?
愿意 Yeah, I would.
但你现在是免费当教练吗 But do you?
不 女士 No, ma'am.
但是你关心你的球员 对吗 And yet you care about your players, right?
对 女士 Yes, ma'am.
那么你凭什么断定我不是如此 Then why would you assume it's not the same for me?
我不会断定所有教练 都是大男子主义的混蛋 I don't assume that all coaches are macho dickheads.
这个论点很强 Ah, it's a good point.
我被打脸了 Consider me dunked on.
听着 我很抱歉 And look, I'm-- I'm really sorry about that, you know.
情绪激动 说那种话 怒气冲冲地离开这里 Getting all worked up and saying stuff like that, then storming outta here.
这时有发生 It happens.
自我关爱可能令人害怕 Self-care can be scary.
反抗或逃跑是一种自然的反应 只不过你同时有这两种反应 Fight or flight is a natural response. You just happened to do both.
其实这本领挺厉害的 Impressive range really.
是啊 小心被我抢走角色 格伦克洛斯 Yeah, well, watch your back, Glenn Close.
所以你觉得我是害怕 So you think I'm scared, huh?
是的 Yes, I do.
好的 Yeah.
也许我不想知道真相 Maybe I don't wanna learn the truth.
泰德 真相会让你自由 Ted, the truth will set you free.
但首先 它会让你愤怒 But first, it'll piss you off.
也许你的新绰号应该是“真相” Well, then maybe your new nickname should be "The Truth."
要当你的导师 我必须偶尔折磨你 Well, I can't be your mentor without occasionally being your tormentor.
这我喜欢 Ooh, I like that.
我知道你会喜欢 I knew you would.
我们开始吧 Let's get started, shall we?
是 女士 Yes, ma'am.
没错 先生们 拉伸时大口深呼吸 That's right, gentlemen. Big deep breaths while you stretch.
让氧气一直进入到你的前列腺 You wanna get that sweet O2 all the way down to your prostate.
嘿 别忘了专注于当下 And, hey, remember to focus on the here and now.
活在当下 这是礼物 所以当下又称为礼物 Living in the moment, it's a gift. That's why they call it the present.
对 Yes.
好的 开始之前 内特教练 你有什么话要说吗 Okay, before we get started, Coach Nate, you wanted to say something?
-对 有的 谢谢 泰德 -请说吧 -Oh, yes, please. Thank you, Ted. -Have at it, Jessica Rabbit.
是 喂 谢谢 Yeah. Oi, uh… …thank you, um--
我只想在开始之前… I just wanted, before we started, just to, um…
简单说来 我想道歉 Well, basically, I just wanted to make an apology.
科林 Uh, Colin, um,
昨天我的表现有点… yesterday I was a bit of a, uh, you know, uh…
-混蛋 -欠揍 -Asshole? -Prick?
自大 Cock?
受伤的蝴蝶 Wounded butterfly.
对 我是自大、欠揍 像受伤的蝴蝶一样的混蛋… Yes. I was a cocky, prickish, wounded butterfly's asshole, um…
但我…真的很抱歉 以后不会再这样了 所以… but I-- I really am sorry, and it-- it won't happen again, so…
-没关系 哥们 -好吧 - It's all good, boyo. - Oh, all right then.
这就对了 - Aw. - That's good.
-好的 -来 - All right. - Come here.
-好的 -我错过了什么吗 - Okay. - Did I miss something?
好的 可以 行 Okay. Yeah. All right.
有什么需要我处理的吗 Anything I need to address?
正如我常说的 有时最好吃的炖菜 Well, like I always say, sometimes the best stew
是在炉子上放一晚的炖菜 is the one you leave sitting on the stove overnight
因为你喝了太多啤酒 看《大国民》时睡着了 'cause you fell asleep watching Citizen Kane after too many beers.
我知道 科林 我知道 I know, Colin. I know.
好了 大家 嘿 今天的计划是这样 All right, fellas! Hey! So here's the plan today.
炖豆子和萝卜 跟罗伊教练走 Peas and carrots, you're going with Coach Roy.
剩下的炖牛肉跟我 开始训练 Rest of you beef chunks are coming with me. Let's go to work.
什么 What?
首发球员跟罗伊 后备球员跟教练 Starters with Roy, reserves with Coach.
好 Right.
那就直接说嘛 懂我的意思吗 Just say that then. Do you know what I mean?
这边 理查德… Here Richard, Richard! Richard!
吹哨 Whistle!
喂 我说“吹哨” Oi! I said, "Whistle!"
罗伊 你为什么不用真的哨子 Roy, why don't you just use an actual whistle?
我说了 我的嘴唇对不纯的金属过敏 I told you, my lips are sensitive to impure metals
哨子会让我长口疮 and whistles give me mouth hives.
杰米 你在做什么 Jamie, what the fuck were you doing?
理查德甩了防守 进入禁区 你却朝另一边跑 Richard loses his man, gets into the box, and you run the other way?
我把防守我的人引走 以免挡他的路 I was pulling my defender out of his path.
他是你的队友 He's your teammate.
他需要你接球 支援他 He needs you to come to the ball and support him.
你们听到了没 You all got that?
恕我冒犯 教练 他需要我做的不是这个 respectfully, Coach, that ain't what he needs from me.
他需要我给他空间 He needs me to give him space.
你刚才说什么 What'd you say?
在刚才的情况下 我最该做的是给他空间 The best thing I can do in that situation is give him space.
他说得对 He's right, actually.
-我知道 我跟佩普学的 -佩普跟克雷夫学的 -Yeah, I know. I learned it from Pep. -He got it from "Cruijff".
-是“克鲁伊夫” -好吧 英国人 -Pronounced "Cruyff." -Okay, Englishman.
听着 我不在乎 重点是 理查德不需要我近身助攻 Look, whatever. The point is that Richard doesn't need me to crowd him.
而且鉴于他是我的队友 And since he's me teammate,
我应该相信他能做出最好的选择 对吗 I should trust him to do what's best, right?
真该死 Fuck!
我没说什么不好的话啊 I didn't say nothing bad this time.
他来了… Oh! There he is, there he is!
内特教练 我们要送你一个礼物 Coach Nate, we have a gift for you.
对 还好你道歉了 否则就尴尬了 Yeah. Good thing you apologized, otherwise this would be awkward.
（奇迹小子 一号）
“奇迹小子” "Wonder Kid."
因为你说了这个词 而不是“神童” I mean, because of you saying that instead of "wunderkind,"
那才是正确说法 which is the proper pronunciation.
-哇 -这是威尔的点子 - Wow. - It was Will's idea.
嘿 Hey.
是吗 Was it?
这个绰号很棒 所以祝贺你 Well, you know, it's a pretty awesome nickname, so cheers.
祝贺你 Cheers.
谢谢你们 我确实说了神童 但… Oh, no, thank you. Um-- I mean, I did say wunderkind, but…
但是 威尔 这礼物太好了 很幽默 But, Will, this is great. It's really funny.
-很好 -谢谢 -It's good, man. -Thank you.
-做得好 -好的 谢谢 Thank you.
“如果音乐是爱的食物 请继续演奏 "If music be the food of love, play on.
让我沉浸其中” Give me excess of it."
如果你是在用高雅的方式 问我要不要再一杯 那你猜对了 If that's your fancy way of asking if I want another one, you guessed right.
我猜也是 Thought so.
等我一下 我很快的 谢谢 Bear with me. I'll be out in two seconds. Cheers.
竟然在酒吧遇到你 Of all the pub joints.
《独立报》的特伦特克里姆 有什么可为你效劳的 Trent Crimm of the Independent. To what do I owe the pleasure?
我只是来吃点东西 I was just having a bite to eat, you know?
但既然我们在这 我想请你发表正式声明 But as we're here, I would love to get an official statement
解释一下你在对阵热刺那天提前离场的事 about your early departure from the Spurs match.
正式声明 An official statement? Oh.
我以为大家都知道我食物中毒了 Well, I thought folks knew I had food poisoning.
不是在这里中毒的 Not from here.
对 这是坊间传言 不过如果可以 我希望能得到你本人的声明 Yeah, yeah. They do. But, uh, I'd love a personal quote, if possible.
好吧 我食物中毒了 Okay, um, well, I had food poisoning.
因为我很尊重你们的读者 And because I respect your readers so much,
令人不适的具体细节我就不说了 I'll leave out all the specific nastiness that occurred.
-是 -但我现在很健康 -Yeah. -But I'm fit as a fiddle now.
你之前食物中毒 现在很健康 So you had food poisoning and you are fit as a fiddle now…
正是如此 Exactamundo, Dikembe Mutombo.
和你聊天很愉快 Love our chats.
谢谢 梅 Thank you, Mae.
不客气 亲爱的 My pleasure, darling.
该死 Oh, shit.
罗伊 Roy?
嗨 Hi.
你要离开吗 Are you leaving?
什么 What?
不 No.
嘿 Siri Hey, Siri.
播放“罗伊为不理解基莉感到抱歉”歌单 Play the "Roy is sorry for not understanding Keeley" playlist.
这些玫瑰是我在你邻居的花园偷的 I stole those roses from your neighbor's garden.
撕成碎片 Ripped them to shreds.
那个… And that…
那是菲比的灯 所以我要还回去 that's Phoebe's light, so I'm gonna have to give that back
否则我会被她骂 or I'm gonna get it in the neck.
而那是足部磨砂器什么的 And that, that's a foot scrubber or something.
那个女人说如果你的脚很恶心 那就适合你 The woman said it's good if you've got gross feet.
什么 你觉得我的脚很恶心 What? You think I've got gross feet?
宝贝 我觉得你是万里挑一 但你的脚实在太糟糕了 Babe, I think you're the cat's pajamas, but your feet are a fucking state.
不过我凭什么评判你 But who am I to judge?
排水口都是我的毛发 I found so much of my hair down the drain,
看起来就像一只老鼠困在那里 溺水而亡 it looked like a rat had got trapped and fucking drowned.
天啊 Oh, my God.
听着 你有至少三个小时 不会看见我、听见我 Now, you are not gonna see or hear me for at least three hours.
谢谢 Thank you.
（#内特教练的激励战术真了不起）
（是 内特 好样的 哥们 王者）
（荣耀归于灰狗 内特教练真棒）
（内特也许帮里士满赢得了比赛）
（但他看起来仍像个失败者）
如果你再做出羞辱我的事 If you ever do anything to humiliate me again,
我会让你的生活变成地狱 I'll make your life a fucking misery.
字幕翻译：易晗