哇 它会扯破衣服 Wow. That ripped.
一点也不含糊 That ripped real nice.
你要我说几次？要侧身滑出来 How many times do I have to tell you? You turn and slide.
知道吗？侧身滑出来 You know? Turn and slide.
不是侧身滑出来 No, you don't turn and slide.
是把它扔出去 You throw it out.
我每次穿衣服 都得打破伤风预防针 I'm tired of having to get a tetanus shot every time I get dressed.
不能扔掉 这是我亲手钉的 Well, we're not throwing it out. I built this thing with my own hands.
好 All right.
那卖掉呢？ How about we sell it?
好吧 All right.
不过你得告诉他们 But you're gonna have to tell them.
你们可以搬个家吗？看来他们没意见 You mind if we stick you in a different cabinet? They seem all right with it.
- 摩妮卡 我是奇普 - 漂亮 - Monica, it's Chip. - Yes.
- 谁是奇普？ - 嘘 - Who's Chip? - Shh.
很高兴今天遇见你 It was good running into you today.
我的电话是5559323 打给我 就这样 So, uh, here's my number. 555-9323. Give me a call. Later.
奇普就是奇普·马修斯 Chip is Chip Matthews.
瑞秋的高中舞会舞伴？他打给你干什么？ The guy who took Rachel to the prom? Why's he calling you?
我在银行遇见他 他还是好帅 Because I ran into him at the bank. He is still so cute.
你好幸运 他是全校最红的男生 Monica, you're so lucky. He's, like, the most popular guy in school.
我知道 I know.
奇普？我是摩妮卡 Chip? Hi, it's Monica.
好… Okay.
好 再见 Okay. Goodbye.
天哪 我们聊得好愉快 Oh, my God. We just had the best conversation.
- 我正要走 - 好 - I was just leaving. - Good.
我要看产品报告 Because I've got a product report to read.
有八页 但愿我不会睡着 It's, like, eight pages. I hope I don't fall asleep.
为什么？是你写的吗？ Why? Did you write it?
哇 Whoa.
你看看 Look at that.
奇普·马修斯打电话来 不晓得有什么事 Chip Matthews called. I wonder what he wants.
其实… Well, uh, actually...
我打赌他觉得我准备跟另一个男人上床 I bet he sensed that I was ready to have sex with another guy.
喔 Well, um...
那你为何不打给他？ Why don't you give him a call?
好啊 Okay.
- 你真的想听？ - 真的 - Are you sure you want to hear this? - Oh, I'm sure.
奇普 我是瑞秋 Chip. Hi, it's Rachel.
瑞秋葛林 Rachel Green.
你留言给我吗？ Yeah. Um, you left me a message?
你有 我的室友记下来了 Yes, you did. My roommate wrote it down.
摩妮卡·盖勒？ Monica Geller?
噢 Oh.
原来如此 Oh, that's right.
他是要约摩妮卡 He called to ask out Monica.
真是尴尬 That's got to be embarrassing.
醉醺醺的白痴贱人 Dumb drunken bitch
谢谢 Thank you. Thanks. Ha, ha.
请问一下 Now here's a question.
密西西比以东 最好的橡木家具在哪里？ Where'd you guys get the "finest oak east of the Mississippi"?
你先说 全国最漂亮的蕾丝在哪里？ Uh-uh. First you tell us where you got the prettiest lace in all the land.
这是你们的广告 I'm reading your ad.
- 不赖吧？ - 是啊 - Looks good, huh? - Yeah.
"高级视听娱乐柜 精致… "Stunning entertainment center, fine...
精致意大利手工" Fine Italian craftsmanship."
天哪 你们要卖娱乐柜？ Oh, my God. You guys are selling the entertainment center?
- 为什么？我喜欢那个柜子 - 你们要吗？ - Why? I love that thing. - You want it?
- 不要 - 不要 - Oh, no. - No.
"名家手艺"？ Uh, Gepetto?
"定价五千"？ Five thousand dollars?
你疯了吗？ Are you insane?
登广告就要三百块耶 Hey, the ad alone cost 300 bucks.
我要改成五十元或再议 All right, look, I'm changing it to $50 or your best offer.
那有什么利润可言？你也配当会计师？ What kind of profit is that? And you call yourself an accountant?
我不是 No.
噢 Oh.
那你是什么？ What do you do?
你居然不知道我干哪一行 I can't believe you don't know what I do for a living.
- 我也不知道 - 是不是跟数字有关？ - I actually don't know. - Yeah, something to do with numbers?
天哪 不要 走开 小猫 Oh, my God, no. Shoo, kitty. No.
不要… 别这样 给我过来 来吧 No, no. Shoo. Come on, you. Come on.
太疯狂了 Crazy.
- 天哪 - 怎么了？ - Oh, my God. - What?
没事 Nothing. Nothing.
怎么了？ What? What's wrong?
我只是… I just...
我只是有一股强烈的感觉 觉得这只猫是我妈 I just have this really strong feeling that this cat is my mother.
蒙塔克那个妈妈？她是一只猫？ You mean, the mom you met in Montauk? She was a cat?
不 她是一个人 No. No, no. She was a human lady.
这是莉莉妈妈的灵魂 自杀的那个 This is the spirit of my mom, Lily. The one that killed herself.
是她变成一只猫 Are you sure she's in the cat?
还是你又偷吃外婆的青光眼药 Or have you been taking your grandma's glaucoma medicine again?
没有 疑心病博士 No, Dr. Skeptismo.
我很肯定 第一 我有这种感觉 I'm sure. First of all, okay, there's the feeling.
还有 她跑进我的吉他盒里 Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case...
它的衬里是橘色的 ...which is lined with orange felt.
我妈最喜欢的鱼是橘棘鲷 My mother's favorite fish was orange roughy.
猫喜欢吃鱼 Cats like fish.
妈 Hi, Mommy.
我十七年没看到这个笑容了 Oh. I haven't seen this smile in 17 years.
- 菲比的妈有两颗好大的… - 算了吧 - Dude, Phoebe's mom's got a huge pair of... - Let it go.
嘿 Hey.
你什么时候要告诉我 你要跟奇普约会？ Um, when were you gonna tell me that you're going out with Chip Matthews?
现在？ Now?
- 我跟他约会没关系吧？ - 当然有关系 - Is it okay if I go out with Chip Matthews? - No. It's not okay.
他那样对我耶 I can't believe you'd want to after what he did to me.
你是说舞会的事？ What, that thing at the prom?
摩妮卡 我两个小时都找不到他 他跑去跟艾美威许做爱 Monica, I couldn't find him for two hours. He was having sex with Amy Welsh.
那是高中的事 你怎么还会在意？ Come on, that was back in high school. How could that still bother you?
你为什么偏要跟奇普约会？ I mean, why of all people do you have to go out with Chip?
我们的高中不一样 Look, you and I went to different schools.
少来 我们上同一所高中 Okay, that doesn't help because we went to the same high school.
你在高中是风云人物 You went to one where you were popular.
你坐奇普的摩托车 And you got to ride off on Chip's motorcycle...
穿他的特优选手外套 ...and wear his letterman jacket.
我穿的是特制的乐队制服 I went to one where I wore a band uniform that you had to have specially made.
那是特制的？ They had to have that specially made?
那是家政课的作业之一 It was a project for one of the Home Ec. Classes.
天哪 他们说那是给吉祥物穿的 Oh, my God. They told us that was for the mascot.
那时候 我以为 我永远不可能 Back then I thought that I'd never, ever get the chance...
跟奇普约会 ...to go out with a Chip Matthews.
现在他打来约我 And now he's called me up and asked me out.
我心中那个胖女孩真的很想去 这是我欠她的 And the fat girl inside of me really wants to go. I owe her this.
我从不让她尽情的吃 I never let her eat.
- 你去吧 - 真的吗？ - Oh, you go out with him. - Oh, really?
对 Yeah.
如果可以 你能不能丢下他 If it's possible, could you leave him somewhere...
去跟别人上床？ ...and go have sex with another guy?
我试试看 I'll try.
娱乐柜卖得怎样？ So you guys having any luck getting rid of the entertainment center?
昨晚有几通询问电话 There were a couple calls last night...
但我都觉得不可行 ...but, uh, I don't think any of them are gonna work out.
乔伊有一套严格的筛选过程 Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process.
并非每个人都适合拥有木制品 Apparently not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails.
别挣扎了 Stop it. Stop it.
她一直想跑走 She keeps squirming and trying to get away.
跟在世时一样 Just like when she was alive.
你妈要跟我们在一起多久？ So, Pheebs, how long is your mom gonna be with us?
我不确定 Well, I'm not sure.
直到她能接受我有了… I mean, I guess until she, you know, gets used to the fact that there's...
新妈妈吧 ...you know, a new mom.
她很担心会被取代 You know, I think she's worried that she's gonna be replaced.
才不会呢 对不对？ Well, that's not gonna happen, is it? No.
我去房里回个电话 Okay, I have to return a call in the other room.
怎么不在这里打？ Why can't you use the phone in here?
我要打给住在"海边"的妈妈 Well, I'm returning a call from a certain mom at the B-E-A-C-H.
该小声的字说错了 I just spelled the wrong word.
是我疯了 还是有人也觉得 菲比的妈像一只猫？ So, guys, am I crazy or does Phoebe's mom remind anyone else of a cat?
- 罗斯 别提了 - 拜托 - Ross, don't start. - Come on.
你们真的相信 那只猫是一个女人变的？ You can't tell me you actually believe that there's a woman inside that cat?
我相信 I believe it.
- 你才不信 - 我信 - No, you don't. - Yes, I do.
你才不… No, you...
你知道吗？ You know what?
我不会跟你争辩 You're not gonna suck me into this.
你会 你总是要说服别人 Oh, sure I am. Because you always have to be right.
我才没有… 好 I do not always have... Okay, okay.
《侏罗纪公园》是有可能的 Jurassic Park could happen.
哇 还不赖嘛 Wow. That's, uh... That's pretty nice.
还不赖？ "Pretty nice"?
原谅我的室友 他简直想娶它过门 You'll have to pardon my roommate. He wanted to marry this.
我们没有五十块钱 你们愿意交换吗？ We don't have 50 bucks. But would you be willing to trade for it?
我们有一艘独木舟 We got a canoe.
我们不需要独木舟 You know, I really don't think we need a canoe.
你们一定要收下独木舟 You gotta take the canoe.
好吧 All right, just...
你们就把柜子搬走吧 Just take the entertainment center.
等你们到家 再把独木舟扔掉 And then when you get home, throw the canoe away.
想都别想 那是我亲手做的 We're not throwing it away. I built that canoe.
干得好 Good for you.
你们看我在电线秆上发现什么 You guys, you're never gonna believe what I just found on a telephone pole.
眼熟吗？ Looks kind of familiar?
显然菲比的母亲也叫胡立欧 Apparently Phoebe's mother also goes by the name Julio.
有个小女孩在找这只猫 You guys, there's a little girl in SoHo looking for this cat.
- 知道这代表什么吗？ - 知道 五个人平分两百元赏金 - I mean, you know what that means? - Yeah, 200-dollar reward split five ways.
要告诉她吗？ Do we have to tell her?
- 当然要告诉她 - 但她现在好开心 - Yes, we have to tell her. - Oh, but it's made her so happy.
想念猫味的小女孩 Little girl misses her cat.
觉得猫是母亲转世的疯婆子 Crazy lady thinks her mother is in a cat.
好 我要去跟我儿子吃饭了 Okay, ha, ha, you know what? I have to go have dinner with my son.
你们见到菲比会告诉她吧？ Can I trust that when you see Phoebe, you will tell her?
会的 Yeah.
谢谢 Thank you.
我最讨厌罗斯说对了 Ugh. I hate it when Ross is right.
- 他说得对 对吧？ - 你知道吗? - He is right, isn't he? - You know what?
搞不好这一次他错了 This might be one of the times when he's wrong.
- 是吗？ - 不 他说得对 You think? - Oh, no, he's right.
- 嗨 - 嘿 - Hi. - Hi. Hey.
菲比 Uh, Pheebs, ahem...
- 关于你的母亲… - 怎样？ - About your mom, heh. - Yeah?
你们处得好吗？ How's that going?
棒呆了 我们今天一起睡午觉 So great. Oh, we took a nap together today.
妈在我肚子上睡着还打呼 My mom fell asleep on my tummy and purred.
真温馨 That's so sweet.
我去点咖啡 I'm gonna get some coffee.
乔伊 你说什么？我马上过去 Huh? What'd you say, Joe? I'll be right there.
- 菲比 - 我觉得好… - Pheebs... - I just feel so...
- 知道了啦 - 马上来 - All right. - I'm coming already.
还没 还没 还没… Not yet, not yet, not yet.
- 奇普 - 瑞秋 你好吗？ - Hello, Chip. - Hey, Rach. How you doing?
很好 I'm great. I'm great.
我有一份好工作 一群好朋友 Got a great job at Bloomingdale's. I have wonderful friends.
虽然现在没有男朋友 And even though I'm not seeing anyone right now...
却对自己很满意 ...I've really never felt better about myself.
摩妮卡好了吗？ So, uh, Monica ready yet?
她 马上就好 She'll be out in a second.
奇普 艾美威许好吗？ So, Chip, how's, um, Amy Welsh?
艾美威许？我们自从… Amy Welsh? Wow, I haven't seen her since...
摩妮卡快好了吗？ So, Monica about ready?
买这个柜子就对了 This is the unit for you, my friend.
坚固耐用 容量超大 Sturdy construction, tons of storage compartments.
甚至塞得进一个大人 Some big enough to fit a grown man.
什么？ What?
对 我就进去过一次 Oh, yeah, I got in there myself once.
我的室友赌五块说我进不去 My roommate bet me 5 bucks that I couldn't.
然后在门把上塞棍子把我关住 And then he stuck a board through the handles and locked me in.
哈哈 是的 Ha, ha. Yeah.
起先很好玩 后来感觉像棺材 It was funny till I started feeling like I was in a coffin.
你才进不去 它不够深 No, you... You can't fit in that thing. That's not deep enough.
是吗？ Oh, yeah?
要是我进不去… If I can't...
就少算你五块钱 ...I'll knock 5 bucks off the price of the unit.
- 就这么说定 - 好 - All right, you have yourself a deal. - Okay.
你看 我就说吧 See? I told you.
有时候我会进进出出的玩 Sometimes I come in here just to get away from it.
有五分钱耶 Hey, a nickel.
到了 Here we are.
天哪 你的奇普还在 Oh, my God, you still have the Chipper.
什么？ The what?
那是你的车子在高中的外号 That's what we used to call your, uh, motorcycle in high school.
摩托车也叫机车 You know, a motorcycle's a chopper.
而你叫奇普 And you're Chip.
没事 Never mind.
真可爱 No, I think it's cute.
喔 Wow.
奇普亲亲 A lipper from the Chipper.
你还有跟哪些同学联络吗？ So are you still in touch with anyone from high school?
有瑞秋 还有… Um, there's Rachel...
就这样 你呢？ ...and that's it. How about you?
我还在跟西门斯 萨纳混 Oh, yeah, I still hang with Simens and Zana.
也常跟史宾 莱文 凯利见面 You know, and I see Spindler a lot, and Levine, Kelly.
时不时会遇见高第 And I run into Goldie from time to time...
史迪 布朗 苏卡夫 麦奎尔 ...Stick, Brown, Sulkov, McGuire...
杰弟 毕斯利 ...J.T., Beardsley.
就这样？ Is that all?
毕了业都会失去联络 Ah, you know, after high school, you just kind of lose touch.
我有遇见李察多夫曼 Oh, yeah, I ran into Richard Dorfman.
- 他好吗？ - 不太好 - Oh, how is he? - Not so good.
被我和西门斯内裤弹射 哈哈… Me and Simens gave him a wedgie. Ha-ha-ha.
- 他不是建筑师吗？ - 建筑师也要穿内裤 - Isn't he an architect now? - Yeah, they still wear underwear.
天哪 Oh, my God.
怎么了？ What?
- 你还好吗？ - 还好 - Are you all right? - Yeah.
怎么回事？ What happened?
不会吧 他答应不拿沙发椅的 Oh, man, he promised he wouldn't take the chairs.
到底发生了什么？你怎么会被关进去？ What the hell happened? How were you locked in there?
我们的东西呢？ Where the hell is all of our stuff?
有一个人来看柜子 Well, this guy came by to look at the unit...
他说它塞不下一个大人 ...and he said he didn't think it was big enough to fit a grown man.
所以你自愿进去？ So you got in voluntarily?
我想把柜子卖出去 I was trying to make a sale.
要是让我碰上他 你猜我会怎样？ Oh, man. If I ever run into that guy again, you know what I'm gonna do?
把屁股翘起来？ Bend over?
然后萨纳干脆让另一个破掉 And then Zana just let one rip.
我不是不喜欢回忆往事 Look, not that I don't enjoy talking about people who we went to high school with...
- 我喜欢 - 哈哈 - ...because I do. - Ha, ha.
但我们可以聊点别的 But, um, maybe we can talk about something else.
像你 我还不晓得你的工作 Like you. I don't even know where you work.
- 你知道啊 - 我知道？ - You know where I work. - I do?
电影院啊 你以前常来 The movie theater. You used to come in all the time.
- 你还在影城做事？ - 我怎么可能换工作？ - You still work at the Multiplex? - Like I'd give up that job. Ha, ha.
随时都有爆米花和糖果可吃 Free popcorn and candy any time I want?
- 我可以帮你拿海报 - 谢谢 不用了 - I can get you free posters for your room. - Thanks, I'm set.
你还住在家里吗？ Do you live with your parents?
对 但是没有门禁 Yeah, but I can stay out as late as I want.
他们还真是大搬家 电视 沙发椅 Wow, they really got you guys. Your TV, the chairs.
微波炉 音响 Yeah, your microwave, the stereo.
天啊 他把黑桃5拿走了 Oh, man, he took the five of spades.
噢 在这里 Oh, no, no, here it is.
天哪 怎么了？ Oh, my God. What happened?
乔伊出生 二十八年后 我被抢了 Oh. Um, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed.
约会怎么样？ So how was your date?
我高中时一直想跟奇普约会 Well, you know how I always wanted to go out with Chip in high school?
今晚 我真的 跟高中的奇普约会了 Well, tonight, I actually went out with Chip Matthews in high school.
真可惜 Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
不会 我不但跟奇普约了会 No, it's okay. Not only did I get to go out with Chip Matthews...
我还甩了他 ...I got to dump Chip Matthews.
- 太棒了 - 我知道 - Oh, that's so great. - I know.
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
保险公司怎么说？ So, uh, what did the insurance company say?
他们说 Oh, they said, uh:
"你们没投保 别再打来了" "You don't have insurance here, so stop calling us."
你们没有告诉她？ You didn't tell her?
好吧 Okay, fine.
- 菲比 - 怎样？ - Pheebs? - Yeah. Hi.
听我说 Hi. Listen, uh...
这只猫是一个小女孩的 ...this cat belongs to a little girl.
路上贴满了寻猫启事 All right? There are flyers all over the place.
对不起 I'm sorry, sweetie.
我们可以陪你把猫送回去 Hey, we can take her back with you if you want.
哦 Oh. Mm-hm.
但是她选择来找我 But, you know, she chose to find me.
我得尊重她的决定 对吧？ I mean, I have to respect her decision, right?
- 有道理 - 没错 - That's a good call. - That's right.
不对 别再闹了 No, no. Hey, enough is enough.
我很遗憾你跟新妈妈在一起 Look, I'm sorry that you feel guilty or whatever...
会有罪恶感 但这不是你的旧妈妈 ...about spending time with your new mom. But this is not your old mom.
这是一只猫 This is a cat. Okay?
他叫做胡立欧 Julio the cat.
不是妈妈 是猫 Not Mom. Cat.
没关系 It's okay.
罗斯 你失去过几个父母？ Ross, how many parents have you lost?
零个 None.
那你就无法体会 其中一个回来的感觉 对吧？ Okay, then you don't know what it feels like when one of them comes back. Do you?
我相信这是我的母亲 I believe this is my mother.
就算不是又怎样？ Even if I'm wrong, who cares?
你就当个好朋友 支持我 Just be a friend, okay? Be supportive.
对不起 I'm sorry.
没事 Okay.
我不知道该说什么 I don't know what to say. Heh.
你可以向她的妈妈道歉 You could say you're sorry to her mom.
我想她会接受 I think she would like that.
乖 过来吧 Come here. Here, come here, come here.
布非太太？ Mrs. Buffay?
我为我说的话道歉 Sorry about what I said.
我实在很伤人 Um, it was insensitive of me to say...
说你只是一只猫 ...that you were just a cat.
很显然的 你也是… When, clearly, you are also the reincarnated spirit...
像我朋友的母亲 灵魂转世 ...of my friend's mother.
谢谢你 Thank you.
- 我们都原谅你 - 嘿 - We both forgive you. - Heh.
那个小女孩怎么办？ What are you gonna do about the little girl?
好 听我说 Yeah. Okay, listen.
妈 你对我还是很重要 Um, Mom, I hope you know that you still mean a lot to me.
你随时都可以回来 And you're welcome to come back any time.
菲比 Pheebs?
要是她可以变成一张沙发 我们会很感激 If she could come back as a couch, we'd really appreciate it.
走吧 我带你回家 Come on, Mom, I'm gonna take you home.
- 我跟你去 - 我也去 - I'll go with you. - Me too.
我有很多的床垫 Oh, uh, you know, I got an extra futon.
你拽个屁啊 我们什么都没有 Dude, you don't have to brag. We got nothing here.
(谨此纪念 桃乐丝·考夫曼)