ZIMUXIA.CN
关注新浪微博 @FIX字幕侠
现代爱情 第一季 第７集
翻译 NETFLIX 校对 MINDY 特效 小布 压制 JASON肖
接着 出现一幕古时才有的画面 And now, in a scene as old as time itself,
成了母亲的母猩猩 the female, now a mother,
将宝宝带给猩猩父亲看 紧张的时刻来临 presents her baby to the father. It's a tense moment.
我们知道若公猩猩 Males have been known to reject their young
对宝宝的身世感到怀疑 if they are in any doubt as to whether or not
就会拒绝接受宝宝 they are the father.
甚至吃掉宝宝 Or even to eat them.
拜托别吃掉你的宝宝 Oh, please don't eat your baby.
真是的 Ooh, fuck. Ugh.
我要睡了 I'm going to bed.
好 宝贝 我马上来 All right, babe, I'll be in.
我想把这段搞定 I just want to finish this reel.
你有过父爱大爆发的感觉吗 Do you ever get strong parental feelings?
排山倒海而来 Overpowering?
没有 Um... No.
我刚看了一个节目 Uh, well, I just finished watching this, uh, program
在讲刚果的猩猩宝宝 about baby gorillas in the Congo,
不知道 我开始喷乳汁了 and I don't know, I... I started lactating.
超恶的 That's disgusting.
你不会觉得人生很无聊吗 Well, don't you get bored of yourself?
你的幸福 Of your happiness?
你的内观 你的生活 Your mindfulness? Of your running?
你的工作 Your career?
我觉得我的人生无聊到爆 I get so bored of "me."
好 我懂你的意思 Mm-hmm, yeah, I-I know what you mean.
宝贝 我好空虚 Honey, I feel incomplete.
找时间来谈谈 Well, let's discuss it sometime.
我去煮水 I'll click the kettle.
或是做试管婴儿 Well, we could do IVF
-像我朋友查理和麦克那样 -他们怎么办到的 - like my friends Charlie and Mike. -What did they do?
他们花钱找了个印度穷女人 做代理孕母 They paid some poor lady in India to be their surrogate,
然后混合他们的精子 and then they mixed up their sperm
这样就不知道 是谁的精子让卵子受孕 so they wouldn't find out which one of them fertilized the egg.
-成功了吗 -当然 他们有个漂亮的 -Did that work? -Sure, they've got a beautiful
三岁小娃 长得跟查理一模一样 three-year-old who looks exactly like Charlie.
那个印度穷女人呢 And what happened to the poor Indian lady?
不知道 应该一整年 都吃得很好吧 I don't know. I guess she ate really well for a year.
那领养怎么样 Mm. Okay, what about adopting?
好主意 That makes sense.
我不想把另一个人类带来这个世界 I have no desire to bring another human being into the world.
我也不想 No. Me, neither. So...
好 那接下来呢 Right. Well, what are we gonna do?
要认真考虑一下吗 Are we gonna really think about it?
于是托宾与安迪的 And so, Tobin and Andy
繁衍之旅 begin their reproductive journey,
就在纽约市展开 here in the city of New York.
这场冒险将充满刺激 失望 It will be an adventure full of excitement, disappointment,
欢笑 泪水 以及吓死人的文书 laughter, tears, and an astounding amount of paperwork.
你们有考虑开放性领养吗 So, have you guys thought about open adoption, too?
有人这么做吗 Um... Do you guys do that?
现在大家都这么做 Everyone does now.
亲生母亲与孩子间的互动多寡 The birth mother has as much or as little access
取决于你们三位的共识 with the child as the three of you agree.
当然法定监护人会是两位 And you would be legal guardians, of course.
听起来还不赖 That sounds... awesome.
-我们非常乐意 -好的 -I-I think we'd like that. -Okay.
这些文件麻烦你们填写 Well, let me give you a little paperwork to fill out.
我再帮你们做登录 And I'll get you in my database.
这堆文件有 That is a whole tree
一棵树的量吧 of paperwork.
安迪 你本来以为 What exactly did you expect
今天会发生什么事 was gonna happen today, Andy?
他带了儿童安全座椅来 He brought a car seat today.
我… 闭嘴啦 我没有 I-- Shut up, I did not.
她的全世界
是她 It's her.
她打来了 It's her.
-嘿 崔娜 -好了好了 - Okay. Hey, Trina. - All right, all right, all right.
两位好吗 How you guys holding up?
-我们很好 -很好 - We're okay, yeah. - Good.
好的 那个 这次不太顺利 Okay. So, this one did not pan out.
很抱歉 Yeah, I'm sorry.
她临阵退缩 She got cold feet.
又是因为同志的关系吗 Was it, was it the gay thing again?
应该不是 No, I don't believe so.
天哪 一对双薪有房的男同志 Jesus, how hard can it be for two employed,
想要一个家庭怎会这么难 home-owning homosexuals to start a family?
我们现在都该有五胞胎了吧 I thought we would have quintuplets by now.
我这边还有另一个机会 I know. I-I do have one more idea.
-五胞胎 -对 希望不大 -Quintuplets? -Yeah. -It's a long shot.
她最近来找我们 很中意你们的背景 She came into our office recently and liked your file.
但她有点… But she's a little...
有点怎样 Little what?
这样吧 你们先见个面 You know what? You should just meet her.
约周四怎么样 How about Thursday?
-好的 -好 -Okay. -Yeah.
-靠 -真是 - Whoa. Jesus. - Holy shit.
-准备好了吗 -上吧 - You ready for this? - This is it.
你好 Hey.
-嘿 -嘿 -Hey. -Hey.
你是卡拉吗 Are you Karla?
对 托宾和安迪 对吧 Yeah. Tobin and Andy, right?
-刚好相反... -抱歉 - Other way... - Oh. Sorry.
托宾 安迪 Tobin. Andy.
-坐啊 抱歉 -好 - Oh, sit. Sorry. - Yeah. Yeah.
-嗨 -嗨 - Hi. - Hi. Hi. -Hey.
感觉好像在面试 Feels like an interview.
不过是谁面试谁 But who's interviewing who?
应该是你面试我们吧 Well, you should be interviewing us, I guess.
毕竟是我们想要你的宝宝 I mean, we're the ones who want your baby.
也对 Right.
你们是什么人 Who are you?
-谁 我还是他 -就一对伴侣来说 - Who, me or him? - As a couple.
我不管你们各自怎么样 I don't care about you as individuals.
你们是怎样的一对伴侣... Who are you as a couple, and...
为什么想领养我的小男生 why are you the ones to take care of my baby boy?
或小女生 我还没确认 说吧 Or girl. I haven't checked. Go.
我们第一次是在一个派对上认识 well, when we first met, at a party,
那时我快感冒了 uh, I was coming down with the flu.
我自己有感觉 I could feel it in my bones.
我知道我应该赶快回家 可是他实在太有意思 And I knew I should go home, but he was so interesting,
所以我们散步了一整晚 so we spent the entire night
直到天亮 walking around the city until dawn
就在那年最冷的一个夜晚 on the coldest night of the year.
隔天我妈送我进医院 The next day, my mom admits me into the hospital.
-我得了双肺炎 -妈呀 - I had double pneumonia. - Fuck.
他完全不知道 And he didn't know anything about this,
因为我在送医途中 搞丢了他的电话号码 because I lost his number on the way to the hospital.
历经三天的高烧和幻觉 So for three days of-of fever and hallucination,
我满脑子只想着 "糟糕 他会以为我对他没意思" all I'm thinking is, "Oh, no, he's gonna think that I don't care."
对 Right.
而且他比我大十岁 Also, he's, like, a decade older than me,
根本是癞蛤蟆想吃天鹅肉 so he's punching above his weight.
但当我醒过来 But when I came to, he was there,
他就坐在我床边 at my bedside.
等等 你怎么找到他的 Wait. How did you know how to find him?
我找派对女主人问到他的电话 I got his number from the hostess of the party.
我当时就觉得我们这么聊得来 I just had a sense that we'd gotten along so well,
他没跟我联络一定有什么理由 there must be some reason for him not calling me.
他是对的 He was right.
超同志情节 That is so gay.
也很感人 And so nice.
-真爱会有心电感应 对吧 -对呀 - Love is telepathic, right? - Yeah.
我就知道你们一定很好 I knew you guys were cool.
真感人 现在... Lovely. So now...
那现在可以点餐了吗 ...can I get you all something?
好呀 Uh, yeah. Uh, good idea.
卡拉 要不要再来杯咖啡 Um, you want another coffee, Karla?
-或来点什么 -你们付钱还是我付 - Or what do you want? - Are you getting this or am I?
-当然是我们 -我们 - Oh, us. Totally us. Yeah. - Oh, us. Us, us, us.
我要午间特餐 I'll have the lunch special,
一杯可乐 再来杯咖啡 a-and a Coke and another coffee.
再来份香蕉船 And, uh, save me a banana split.
两位呢 Guys?
麻烦给我们两杯绿茶 Uh, well, could we get two green teas?
预产期什么时候 So, uh, when are you due?
八个月后 Eight months.
可以吗 Is that okay? I mean, a newborn,
你们要的是新生儿吗 is that what you were looking for?
都可以 Oh, we don't care.
你想跟孩子 And how much involvement
维持怎么样的关係 do you think you'd like?
很难说 我很常旅行 It's hard to say. I travel a lot.
不过一年会来纽约两次 But I come through New York twice a year, so...
那就一年见两次 you know, maybe twice a year.
好呀 你为什么旅行 工作吗 Okay. Uh, and what's the traveling about? Work?
不是 我是流浪汉 No, I'm homeless.
这样呀 了解 Okay. Okay.
-很厉害 -神奇 - Okay, cool. - Awesome.
少在那边假装你们没吓到 Oh, stop pretending that doesn't throw you a little bit.
是有一点 I mean, maybe... maybe a little bit.
-对 -是啦… -Yeah. Yeah. -Yes. Is-is it...
等等 那爸爸是谁 卡拉 Wait, so... so, who's the father, Karla?
我在街头认识的一个人 A guy I met on the street.
他是个好人 Yeah, um, he's a good man.
我们偶尔会遇到 Our paths cross every once in a while,
不过最后还是不合 but, you know, ultimately not a match.
他想安顿下来 我不想 He wants to settle down somewhere. Not me.
-你觉得是什么原因 -不知道 -What do you think that's about? -I don't know. I mean,
我脑袋没问题 只是… I don't have any mental problems.
我不喜欢 I'm just, um... I just don't like being
待在同一个地方太久 in one place for too long.
麻烦再来一个马芬 Oh. Can I have a muffin?
谢谢 Thanks.
对 我喜欢浪迹天涯 Yeah, and, you know, I-I follow the sun.
就像詹姆斯泰勒的歌 Oh, like a... like a James Taylor song.
而且房子会害我幽闭恐惧发作 And houses make me feel claustrophobic.
那是我们为自己打造的牢笼 I think they're a trap we build for ourselves, like...
就像车子和智能手机 like cars and smartphones.
我们以为有了这些变得更聪明 其实反而更笨 Things we think make us smarter but actually make us more dumb.
旅行中 每周都能看见新的城市 I think traveling, you see a new city
有机会重新拥抱这个国家 every week, you totally get to reconnect with the country
以及让它变得伟大的人们 and the people that made it great.
而不是只能在电视上看到 Instead of just watching it through a TV.
谢谢 Thank you.
跟你借一下汤匙 Can I borrow your spoon?
好的 Yeah.
我帮你拿 Hey. Hey. Let me... let me help you with that.
谢了 Oh. Thanks.
还好吧 You okay?
里面装什么东西 Yep. What's in here?
我的全世界 It's just my world.
你好 亲爱的 你好 小宝贝 Hello, darling. Hello, baby.
我带了好吃的 I got you a little treat.
-这是你的狗 -对呀 它叫荷马 -Your dog? -This is. This is Homer.
它跟着我浪迹天涯 He goes everywhere I go.
好吃吗 Yeah, is that good?
-你好... -打招呼 - Hi... - Want to say hi? -Hi.
打招呼 荷马 Homer, say hi. Say hi.
-嗨 -嗨 - Hi. - Hi.
-那就这么说定了 -等一下 -So, are we doing this? -Wait-wait.
你不想知道 我们有没有房子 Don't you want to know if we, like, own our apartment?
我们年收多少 Or-or-or, uh, how much we take home a year?
-我们念哪所大学 -我们要不要签约 - What colleges we went to? - Are we on a contract?
很多人这么做 That's a popular one.
不用 我不在乎那些 我只想确认你们相爱 No. No, I don't care about any of that stuff. I just want to see that you're in love.
你们是相爱的 I think you are.
给我 Give me that.
我们并非永远都是幸福家庭 Well, it's not always happy families with us,
最近很常上演 i-it frequently descends into, uh,
"灵欲春宵" Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
好 我会跟崔娜联络 跟她说我觉得可以 Sure. Okay, so I'm gonna go back to Trina, and say that I think I found a match,
然后 如果可以的话 and then, if we all agree to this,
我会继续旅行六个月左右 I'm gonna continue my travels for, like,
再回来纽约 the first two trimesters, and then come back to the city.
这是我的电话号码 Um, yeah, here's my number.
好的 谢谢 Oh. Okay. Thank you so much.
很开心有机会认识你 It was a real experience meeting you.
真是太好了 This is a really good thing.
你们是好人 我儿子或女儿 You guys are good people, and my baby boy
很荣幸能被你们这样的伴侣照顾 or girl would be privileged to be looked after by a couple like you.
谢谢请我吃午餐 Yeah. Bye. Thanks for lunch.
走 Come!
再见 Bye.
所以她是好疯子还是坏疯子 So is she good crazy or bad crazy?
不知道 我不太确定她知道自己在干嘛 I don't know. I'm not sure she knows what she's doing.
但你知道我们支持 But you do know that we advocate for everything
-她说的一切吧 -对 - she's talking about? - Yeah.
资本主义大崩坏 Uh, capitalism gone crazy, fear,
-人类自己打造的恐惧 牢笼… -我喜欢她这点 - traps of our own making... - Right, I like that about her,
但她有点太夸张了吧 but she's taking it a little far, right?
哪会 因为她身体力行 What? By actually living it?
-对 算吧 -好吧 - Yeah. Yeah, kind of. Yeah. - Okay...
奇普 拜托 快点大便 All right, come on, Kipper, take a shit already.
不要给它压力 好吗 Don't put her under pressure, all right?
-它会紧张 -好吧... -It makes her nervous. -Okay, whatever...
我只是想说 我们对这女生一无所知 I'm just saying, we don't know anything about this girl
不知道她经历过什么 or-or what she's going through.
我们怎么知道她会不会… 过来 How do we know that she won't just-- come on--
会不会看到宝宝后就反悔 she won't just change her mind when she sees the baby?
感觉自己被侵扰 It just feels really intrusive.
两个怪咖男同志招惹怀孕小女生 Two creepy gays messing with some young kid's pregnancy.
我看还是算了吧 Just... Let's just leave it.
算了 我们不该当爸妈 Leave it alone. We're not supposed to be parents.
我们不当爸妈 没差 We're not parents and that's all right.
这是一份礼物 好吗 This is a gift, okay?
不是某个可怜女人受环境所迫 It's not some poor woman that's been coerced
怀了我们的孩子 by circumstance into having our child,
或将新生儿带到这他妈的鬼地狱 or bringing a new child into this fucking hellhole.
总之事情发生了 好吗 This is happening either way. Okay?
正好被我们赶上了 And we get to be there to catch it.
才怪 我只觉得 我们花一堆时间做一件 No, it just feels like a hell of a lot of time
可能根本没结果的事 to spend on something that may not even happen.
要是她改变主意 And it's a hell of a lot of disappointment, for us,
我们两个会超级失望 if she changes her mind.
这样很完美呀 And that's perfect.
我们有机会活出我们的信仰 We get to live something that we actually believe.
是啦 Yeah.
我的小宝贝 Hey, baby, my baby, my baby.
-好孩子 -奇迹出现了 好孩子 - Yes, good girl! - Miracle! Good girl!
-拿去 -为什么总是我 -Here you are. -Why is it always me
-清理大便 -因为那是你的狗 - that cleans up? -'Cause. It's your dog.
-这是我们的狗 -好啦 我们的狗 - It's our f-- it's our dog. - Okay, it's our dog,
-不过是你的大便 -是我们的大便 - but it's your shit. - It's our shit.
-才不是 我们的大便 -好孩子 - It's not our shit. Aw... - Our shit. Good girl.
-好啦 -谢谢宝贝 - Okay. Okay. - Thank you, honey.
-麻烦你开一下门好吗 -开门我可以 - Can you open the gate, please? - I can open the gate.
-谢谢你喔 -你这什么态度 - Thank you so much. - Why do you have an attitude?
-我真的很感激... -你不用 - I really appreciate that... -You don't need to
-有态度 -我没有态度 -have an attitude. -I don't have an attitude.
-我只是简单问问 -我感觉你... -I'm just asking very simply. -I feel like you got...
鉴于我手上有大便 Considering I've got shit in my hand,
-不然我说话… -那是你的狗 -I would not be talking to me... -It's your dog.
-…就不会那么不客气 -大便当然在你手上 -...in an abrasive manner. -You can have shit in your hand.
-谢谢 -好啦 宝贝 算了 -Thank you. -Okay, honey. You know what?
我想看"冰血暴" 可以吗 It's fine, I want to watch Fargo. Is that okay?
-想看什么随便你 -好 谢谢你 -You can watch whatever you want. -Okay. Thank you.
拜托 你是四岁小孩吗 Oh, come on, are you-- are you-- are you, like, four years old?
嘿 欢迎 Hey! Welcome!
两位好 Oh, both of you!
三位好 天哪 Three of you. Jesus Christ.
看看你 -请进 - Look at you. - Come in.
你来得正好 夏季风暴快来了 You beat the rain. You know, a big summer storm is due.
-我来 -谢了 - I got that. I got-- Oh! - Thanks.
还好吗 You okay?
还好 抱歉 我没拿好... Uh, yeah, sorry, I just grabbed it...
-还好 谢谢 -没事吧 - Yeah, thank you. - You okay?
荷马 坏狗狗 Homer! Bad dog!
荷马好像威胁到你家狗狗了 Your dog seems a little threatened by Homer.
他很爱占地盘 He can get very territorial.
爱占地盘的狗狗没地盘 Wow. A territorial dog with no territory.
到处都是他的地盘 He makes everywhere his territory.
荷马 趴下 Homer! Hit the deck.
谢谢你们 两位 我喜欢你们的公寓 So, thanks for this, guys. I love your apartment.
-很开心能住下来 -你要住下来吗 -I'm-I'm really excited to stay. -Oh, you're staying?
-住纽约吗 -当然 -In-in-in New York? -Of course she is.
她要住我们家 She's staying with us.
是吗 挺好 Oh. Oh. Um, oh. Cool. Great.
可以吗 你们讨论过了吗 Is that okay? Have you guys discussed that?
-我们正在讨论 -没有 - We're discussing it right now. - No.
-这是现场讨论 -当然可以 太好了 - It's a live discussion. - It's okay.
你再过两三周就要生了 对吧 It's great. And you're only a couple of weeks out, right?
-你随时都会生吧 -还有八周 -You're gonna pop any day, huh? -I'm eight weeks out.
八周 八周 Eight weeks. Eight weeks.
-太好了 -我们很开心你住下来 - Great. - We are happy to have you.
让我们更有参与感 It just makes us feel involved.
对呀 安迪疯狂准备当爸妈 Yeah. Andy has been preparing for parenthood like crazy.
我把托宾的书房弄成宝宝的房间 So I've, um, I've turned Tobin's study into a baby room,
一半漆蓝色 一半漆粉红色 and I've painted it half blue, half pink, you know,
男生女生都适用... covering both bases...
我们没有性别刻板印象 上帝不允许 Not that we want to impose our gender stereotypes, God forbid.
我问你一个问题 Let me ask you a question.
-好呀 问吧 -宝宝问答 准备好没 - Oh, great. Yup, go. - Baby quiz, you ready?
-宝宝问答 -对... - Baby quiz. - Yeah...
没错 听好了 Yeah. That's true. You're hearing it right.
宝宝大绿色便表示什么 Yeah, so what does it mean when the baby's poo is green?
跳过 我不知道 Pass. I don't know.
跳过 你什么意思 Pass? What do you mean, "pass"?
-跳过 我不知道 -表示宝宝生病了 - Pass. I don't know. - Means the baby is sick.
到时候就知道了嘛 Why don't we just find that out?
你想让我们知道.... You want us to just find out...
-你没事吧 -天... -You all right? -Oh, my...
我的房间在哪里 Yeah. So where's my room?
就在这里 You're in it.
好耶 Sweet.
-哇 嘿 -欢迎回家 亲爱的 -Whoa. Hey. -Welcome home, dear.
现在才回家 我在厨房忙翻 What time do you call this? Gallivanting in some bar, huh,
你们跑去酒吧狂欢 while I'm slaving over a hot stove!
好看 Nice look.
这里好热 It's so hot in here.
老天 Oh! Oh, Jesus.
你好 Hello.
-你看起来超美的 -谢谢 安迪 - You look fucking beautiful. - Thank you, Andy.
那个 如果你把衣服… 抱歉 You know, if you want to just, uh, throw your-- sorry--
如果你把衣服用袋子装好 your-- throw your, th-throw your clothes in a bag,
我可以一起拿去洗 I can include them in my next laundry run.
-我为什么要这么做 -因为大家都这么做 - Why would I do that? - Um, because a-a lot of people do that?
我可以在浴室洗衣服 Why would I waste money on a laundromat when I can
在这里晾干 为什么要去洗衣店浪费钱 wash my clothes in the bath and then dry them here?
说说而已 烂主意 Just an idea. Crazy idea.
我做了咖哩虾 好久没做了 So I cooked a prawn bhuna. It's been a while,
食谱应该没记错 but I think I got the recipe right... ish.
你们家没椰奶 我用自来水代替 You didn't have any coconut milk, so I used tap water.
我买不起虾子 Oh, and I couldn't afford prawns,
用鲔鱼丁代替 饿了吗 so it's little tuna bits instead. You hungry?
我真搞不懂你们 怎么有办法 I just don't understand how you guys can keep going out
每晚吃餐厅 to restaurants, like, every night.
因为我们不会料理 所以 Because we can't cook, that's why.
-我一天到晚料理给你吃... -没有 宝贝 - I cook for you all the time... - No, no, honey, honey, honey.
你是弄东西给我吃 就这样 我们不会料理 You prepare food for me, that's what you do. We can't cook.
料理是门艺术 Cooking-- cooking is an art.
我们还没掌握的艺术 好吗 It's an art that we have yet to master. All right?
-懂吗 -干嘛不去学 - Is that fair? - Well, you should learn. You should learn.
在家煮可以省一堆钱 You could save so much money by cooking at home.
这是荒谬 不必要的浪费 This is a ridiculous, inexcusable waste.
-对呀 -你该去上上家政课 - Yeah. - You should take a home economics course
学学基本功 and learn the basics.
我要完整的冰箱 Yeah, I want a full fridge
营养美味的餐点 and freezer, and a roster of good, nourishing meals.
总不能每晚带尖叫的小孩上餐厅 You can't take a screaming baby out to restaurants every night.
旁人会生气 You-- It pisses people off.
知道还有什么让人生气吗 喝酒的孕妇 You know what else pisses people off? Pregnant women who drink.
-什么鬼 -酒 什么 - Oh, come on... - Wine. What?
你在开玩笑吧 Are you joking? Are you joking?
为了这个小孩放弃了一切 I have given up everything for this kid.
不抽烟 不呼麻 不吃辣 I don't smoke, I don't smoke weed, I don't have spicy food.
嘿 妹妹 来 Hey, girl. Come on.
你在哪 好孩子 准备好没 Where are you? Good girl, you ready?
走吧 嘿 Come on. Hey.
你没事吧 You all right?
很喘吗 Huh? Are you panting?
怎么啦 Huh? What's up, huh?
奇普：我怀孕了
狗狗乖乖 Good girl. Good girl.
卡拉 你不是说你的狗结扎了 I thought you said your dog was neutered, Karla.
我真的没听清楚 我以为你说"训练" I honestly didn't hear you, I thought you said "tutored."
你的狗受过什么训练 In what way was your dog tutored?
他之前出现过行为问题 He had some behavioral issues, so he did some classes
找狗狗沟通师上过课 with a dog whisperer.
谢谢你 卡拉 Well, thanks, Karla.
它可能毁了它一辈子 He may have scarred our dog for life.
好了 你也太夸张 Oh, stop it. You're being dramatic.
狗狗吃了药 搞定了 没事了 宝贝 You give her the pills, it goes away; it's fine, honey.
大概吧 但今天我放假 Maybe, but this is my day off. I'm supposed to be having
应该正在享用悠闲的早餐 结果却带我的狗来堕胎 a leisurely breakfast, and now I'm performing a home-abortion.
那个 我想不通 You know, it just doesn't make sense.
奇普怎么有办法 接受你那只狗的老二 How could Kipper even accommodate your dog's penis?
嘘 Shh!
什么 安迪 What? Andy.
-安迪 醒醒 -干嘛啦 -醒醒 -干嘛啦 - Andy, wake up. Wake up. - What? What? What? What? What?
-有声音 你听 有声音 Shh. Voices. Listen, there's voices.
-哪有 我在睡觉 -我听到有声音 -Where? I'm asleep. -I hear voices.
-男人的声音 在客厅 -我要睡觉 - What? I'm asleep. - In the living room. Shh.
-你听啦 起来 -不要 - Listen. Get up. - No.
-起来啦 -带奇普去 - Get up. - Take Kipper.
我不想去 I don't want to go.
…用它的丑脸 It was smeared across my skin,
-磨蹭我的皮肤 -像"异形"一样 - with this ugly face... - Like, like Alien?
对 就… Like, yeah, like...
-像雪歌妮·薇佛 -像雪歌妮·薇佛 - Like Sigourney Weaver? - Like Sigourney Weaver.
-我喜欢雪歌·妮薇佛 -是吗 - I like Sigourney Weaver. - You do?
-你看过"阿凡达"吗 -很久以前看过 - Have you seen Avatar? - A long time ago.
靠 抱歉 天哪 吵到你们了吗 Oh, shit. Sorry. Oh, my God, did we wake you?
-现在是怎样 卡拉 -他是谁 - What the hell, Karla? - Who is this?
抱歉吵到你们 I'm so sorry if we were being loud.
他是… 靠 你叫什么名字 This is, um-- fuck, what's your name?
-米克 -米克 - Mick. - Mick.
-他哪来的 -街头 -Where did he come from? -He's on the street.
今晚看完电影回来有经过他 We passed him on the way back from the movies tonight.
-没印象 -没错 -Don't remember that. -Exactly.
所以我给了他一点吃的 我们都这样 So I offered him some food. It's a thing we do.
我暂时有地方栖身 I've got a roof over my head for a while.
外面很冷 没关系吧 It's cold out. Is that okay?
有关系 老实说非常有关系 No. It's not. It's not okay, frankly.
-为什么 -这样吧 我明白 -Why? -Do you know what, I-I get it.
要是我有像这样的温暖小窝 If I had a nice gaff like this,
也不会随便让人家进来 I wouldn't be letting random blokes in, either.
你应该先问过我们 You should have just asked, run it by us first,
-不过没关系 -有关系 你知道吧 -but it's-it's fine. It's... -It's not. You know what?
非常有关系 我们忍受你住在这里 It's not fine. We're putting up with you staying here.
不代表你可以随便带人进来 That doesn't mean anyone you choose to bring home.
忍受我 "Putting up" with me?
原来你是这么想的 I didn't realize that was the way you looked at it.
-他不是那个意思 -不是吗 - He doesn't mean it like that. - Don't I?
这样吧 你们有严重的问题需要解决 Do you know what, lads, you guys have some serious issues you need to work out,
我就先… so I'm just gonna...
不行 米克 只要我还在这里 No! No, Mick. While I'm staying here,
就欢迎我的朋友进来 any friend of mine is welcome to come in
就欢迎我的朋友分享我的好运 and share my good fortune, so you just...
你给我待着 you just stay right here.
我只是想去上厕所 I was actually just gonna go... toilet,
可以吗 if that's all right?
右手边 It's on the right.
-好 抱歉 -他不是你朋友 - Oh, okay, sorry. - He's not a friend of yours.
他是陌生人 这是我们的家 He's a stranger. And this is our apartment,
你是我们的客人 in which you are a guest,
不代表你在街上 随便认识的人也是客人 and that doesn't extend to any random guy you just meet on the street.
托宾 原来你就是这种人 So that's how it is with you, Tobin?
一个大谈自由 随性的同志 All gay and liberal and laid-back
权益受到侵犯就跳脚 until you actually have to give something up?
不对… 不是这样 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not what this is about.
这跟我的性取向有什么关係 And what does my sexuality have to do with anything?
在我听来根本是恐同 That sounds like homophobia to me.
大家都会站在我这边 Anybody would be on my side on this.
是吗 安迪 你站在他那边 Is Andy? Are you, Andy, on his side?
-我不介入 -谢谢你 -I am staying out of this, okay? -Oh, great, thank you.
很好 多谢你喔 欢迎回来 Thank you for that. Welcome back.
谢谢 Thank you.
他是你第一个带回家的人吗 Is this the first guy you've brought home here?
-第一个英国人 -我的妈呀 - First British guy. - Oh, Jesus Christ,
原来我们家是收容所 I didn't know we were running a shelter.
-你太蠢了 -我才没有 - You are so uptight. - I'm not uptight!
这地方充满鬼香料味 This place stinks of incense!
地毯上有咖哩虾 There's-there's prawn bhuna on the... on the carpet.
你沾得到处都是 It's everywhere you... touch!
你把我家客厅变成游民营地 You've turned my living room into a... into a-a bedouin camp.
害我带狗去堕胎 You've forced me into a dog abortion.
明明怀有身孕 却呼麻又喝酒 And now you're smoking skunk and drinking while pregnant
可能还跟陌生人米克 在我沙发上乱搞 and having sex, probably, with Mick the stranger on my couch!
你刚说你带狗去堕胎 Did you say you did a dog abortion?
别多管闲事 米克 你只是来要饭吃的 Oh, stay out of this, Mick. You're just here for a hot meal.
这样吧 好吗 Do you know what, right?
我明白 好吗 Do you know what? I get it. Right?
但你该尝尝她的料理 But you should try some of her food,
说不定会有所领悟 'cause you might learn something.
谢了 米克 Thanks, Mick.
改天见 See you soon.
你知道吗 这样吧 托宾 You know what? You know what, Tobin?
你这个人实在有够讨厌 You are an insufferable bore. You really are.
你在资料里说你自己关怀他人 You claim you're interested in other people with your documentaries,
但根本没这回事 but there is no evidence
你只关心你自己 in your life whatsoever of you caring about anyone but yourself.
你看"纽约时报" You read The New York Times,
你骂川普 全都是纸上谈兵 and you bitch about Trump, but you mean none of it.
你才不在乎你的周遭环境 You're not interested in your community.
你只是喜欢那种感觉 You just like the idea of it.
你就是个… 就是个假自由派 You're just a... y-you're a hipster liberal!
那你对周遭环境有什么贡献 And you contribute to the community how?
靠他人的慷慨度日 By living off the generosity of other people?
你为他人做过什么 What do you do for other people?
你根本活在自己的世界里 Huh? You're a world of one!
去你的 Oh, fuck you!
连照顾自己小孩的本事都没有 Can't even take care of your own baby.
混蛋 Asshole.
卡拉 卡拉 Karla? Karla?!
卡拉 Karla?
卡拉 Karla?!
抱歉我说了那些话 太蠢了 I'm sorry I said that. Such an idiotic thing to say.
-我很惭愧 -算了 托宾 没关系 -I'm ashamed. -Oh, fuck it, Tobin, it's fine.
我们没必要对所有事达成共识 We don't have to agree on anything.
-我们活在不同的世界 -或许吧 但我... -Our lives are a world apart. -That may be right, but I...
但我不该说那些蠢话 but I-I shouldn't have said that shit.
我们很欢迎你 好吗 You're welcome here, you know?
只是… It's just...
对我来说很难 it's hard for me.
或许你说得没错 You're probably right,
我从没对任何事有任何贡献 I've never contributed much to anything.
之前在洛杉矶 我实在受够了那些消费和浪费 In L.A., I just got so sick of the money and...
无视贫穷和苦难 and the waste next to the poverty and the suffering
还有该死的车辆狂排烟 and-and the fucking cars puking out this shit.
我心想再不改变生活方式 I thought if I don't... if I don't change the way I live,
我就成了活生生的伪君子 I'm gonna be the biggest hypocrite alive.
-令人佩服 -我本来也这么以为 -Well, that's admirable. -Yeah, I thought it was.
"成为你想看见的改变"什么的 "Be the change you want to see" and all that.
后来我发现 根本没人看见 But then I realized, no one is seeing this.
根本没人鸟我 我没写博客 No one gives a shit. I don't blog.
没生小孩来传承我的理念 I-I don't have kids to be an example to.
我是个隐形人 就跟公园里那些流浪汉一样 I'm invisible, like all these homeless people in the park.
你有贡献 好吗 Well, you do contribute, you know?
你很有趣 You're-you're-you're... interesting,
你会担心 and you're... and you're troubled
你够真诚 and you're-you're honest.
说真的 You know, actually, I've really...
我蛮开心晚上回到家看见你 I've enjoyed coming home to see you in the evenings,
别看我这个样子 despite how it comes across, you know?
我永远猜不到 I never know... what to expect with you.
你接下来会做什么 That's good. That's good for me.
这样很好 对我来说很好 老实说我很害怕 The truth is, I'm terrified of this.
我不知道自己准备好了没 I don't know if I'm ready.
我超级… I'm so...
龟毛又神经质 anal and-and neurotic.
我受不了有人在我家里 更别说是宝宝 I can barely stand anybody in my house, never mind a baby.
一个宝宝 我真的不知道 A baby? I don't know, I don't know.
你最好赶快做决定 托宾 You better make up your mind, Tobin.
我们回家吧 Let's go home.
好吗 Yeah?
好吧 Fine.
她好坚强 She's so tough
好有韧性… and-and-and resilient and...
她顺着自己的感觉生活 But, you know, she lives how she feels.
我想是因为她真心相信 Well, I think 'cause she genuinely believes it,
所以没办法违背良心生活 and she couldn't live any other way.
相当勇敢 我们都希望小孩勇敢 不是吗 That's ballsy, and that's what you want in a kid, isn't it?
是呀 希望这部分会遗传 Yeah. Let's hope that part's in the genes.
-厨艺千万别遗传 -天哪 拜托不要 - Mm, just not the cooking. - Jesus. No, not the cooking.
-睡吧 -睡吧 - All right. - All right.
跟米克上床好像有催生效果 I think sex with Mick might have induced me.
什么 What?
我说真的 我好像要提早生了 Seriously, I think it's gonna happen early.
-了解 好吧 -好吧 我们走 -Okay, all right. -Okay. Let's go.
-你还好吗 -你们还好吗 -All right. -Okay, are you all right?
-我知道该做什么 -没事 -I know what to do. Bag. -Okay, that's all right.
-好 -我准备了包包 - Okay. - I got the bag.
-你有包包吗 -我有 -Do you have a bag? Do you? -I have a bag, yeah.
-你有包包 -我来拿包 -You have a bag. Is it... -I'll get the bag.
-放在哪里 -你去看看 -Where is it? -You just look out here!
-好啦 好啦 -衣服穿好 你还穿着… -Okay, okay. -We have to put some clothes on...
我出去再穿 I'll put it on when I get out on the street.
快点 Come on.
我... I... Oh!
-好 -我们叫计程车 -All right... -Get a cab.
-好 -叫车 -Okay. -Get-get a cab.
我的妈呀 Oh, my God.
你还好吗 You okay?
好 Ah. All right.
-谢谢 -你从这边上车 来 -Thank you. -You get on this side. Come on.
好 接下来收缩会越来越频繁 Okay, these contractions are right on top of each other.
要打无痛分娩只能趁现在 卡拉 This is your last chance for an epidural, Karla.
确定不用叫麻醉医师来吗 Are you sure you don't want me to call the anesthesiologist?
不用 我可以 继续吧 No, I'm okay. Let's just keep going.
你确定吗 我不懂 打个药而已 Are you sure? I don't get it. It's just medicine.
你生病不也吃抗生素 You take antibiotics, don't you,
头痛不也吃 when you... when you're sick,
盘尼西林 阿斯匹林 or penicillin, or aspirin when you get a headache?
-别这样 -因为感受过程 -Come on. -Because I want to experience it!
我想体验过程 靠 妈的 I want to feel it! Fuck! Jesus fucking Christ!
我不想说了 我只想体验 I don't want to talk about it, I just want to do it!
好…你可以的 All right, all right, all right, all right.
你可以的 Okay. Okay. Okay, you got this.
开口九公分 Nine centimeters dilated.
先生 要不要喝杯水 Sir, do you need a glass of water?
不用 我没事 我很好 No. No, no, I'm fine. I'm really good.
先生 拜托别在我的产房昏倒 Sir, please do not faint in my delivery suite.
如果觉得头晕 出去等 好吗 If you feel woozy, step outside. Okay?
麻烦两位 Both of you, please.
那我出去透透气好了 You know, maybe I w-- I'm, I'll get some air.
我去透透气 你们加油 I'm-a get-- I'll get air. You guys got this.
好 我们会加油 待会见 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We got it, yeah, we'll see you later.
-好 -你不出去吗 -Okay. -Do you want to go, too?
不用 我哪里也不去 No. No. No. I'm not going anywhere.
妈的 Oh, fuck!
托宾 别这样 Tobin, stop.
好 抱歉 Okay, sorry.
-托宾 你还在弄 -抱歉 好... -Tobin, you're still doing it. -Sorry, right...
-真的很烦 -好 我知道 -It's really, really annoying. -Yeah, yeah. I'll stop.
-无法专心 -好 -I can't concentrate. -All right, okay, got it...
靠 Fuck.
托宾 你的头给我走开 Tobin, just move your fucking head away!
好好好 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
卡拉 你做得很好 很顺利 Good, Karla, you're doing so great.
好 头出来了 Looking good. Okay, there's a head.
-要看看吗 -好 -Do you want to look at this? -Yeah.
好 卡拉 很好… Okay, Karla, great. Great, great, great, great, great.
你可以的 你一定做得到 You can do this, you can absolutely do this.
接下来用力推一下 加油 I want you to give me a big push, come on.
深呼吸 用力推 好吗 Take a deep breath and give me a good push, okay?
很好 继续 There you go, keep going,
快出来了… keep going, keep going, you got it, you got it,
你可以的 you got it, you got it, you got it!
-很好 继续 -天哪 -Great, great, great. Keep going. -Oh, God!
好 很好 很好 Okay, great! Great, great.
我的天哪 Oh, my God.
做得好 卡拉 做得好 Well done, Karla. Good job.
我的天哪 Oh, my God.
我的天哪 Oh...
救命 Oh, my God.
怎么样 Well?
女生 Girl.
女生 小女娃 A girl? A girl?
太棒了 她还好吗 Oh, that's fantastic. And she's good?
-她很漂亮 -手脚健全 -Oh, she's beautiful. - Five fingers, five toes,
-健康漂亮 -真的 -all beautiful, all perfect? -All that, all that, yeah.
不敢相信真的发生了 Oh, my goodness. I can't believe this is happening.
-我的妈呀 -真的发生了 - Oh, my God. Right. - This is happening.
我们当爸爸了 We're dads.
医院会监测她24小时 然后就可以出院 They're just monitoring her for 24 hours and then she'll be out.
我们接手照顾她 We can all start taking care of her.
-你好棒 -谢谢 -You were amazing. -Thank you.
真的… 太棒了 Like... amazing.
安迪还好吗 How's Andy?
我们让他喝了点东西 他稳定下来了 We're giving him liquids, you know. He's stable.
真妙 Funny.
我以为昏倒的会是你 I thought you'd be the fainter.
-对呀 我也以为 -但你没有 -Yeah, so did I. -But you weren't.
你陪在身边握住我的手 You stayed there and held my hand
帮忙清理血迹 剪断脐带 and helped clean up the blood and cut the cord.
真是太神奇了 看着她的头冒出来… It was so amazing, seeing her head emerge, and...
我是第一个看到她的人 And I like that I was the first guy to see her.
真等不及要抱她了 感觉怎么样 I-I can't wait to hold her. What was it like?
感觉很美好 It was beautiful.
可以把这玩意拿下来吗 Can you take that hat off your head?
-看起来很滑稽 -抱歉 - You look ridiculous. - I'm sorry.
不过 真的 感觉很美好 But yeah, it was beautiful.
看到她之后 有打算重新考虑 So have you thought about reconsidering the whole thing,
这件事吗 since seeing her?
什么 你想临阵脱逃 Why, are you getting cold feet?
没有 刚好相反 No. No, the opposite.
我现在确定想要 我爱她 I want it now. I love her now.
就这么突然 所以我无法想像你现在的感觉 Just like that, so I can't imagine how you must be feeling.
我是说 如果你改变主意 I'm just saying, if-if you've changed your mind,
那… 我完全理解 that is... i-is, I totally get it.
我们很开心陪你走这一程 We're just happy to, to get you here, you know?
是呀 没有 我… Yeah. Well, um...
你的提议很贴心 that's nice of you to offer.
不过呢… Yeah, I mean...
我的确活在自己的世界里 你说得没错 Mine is a world of one. You were right about that.
我的确有毛病 I do have issues.
我会呼麻 会跟不认识的人上床 I will smoke skunk and sleep with guys I don't know.
或许我就是不懂得拒绝 And I just don't know how to say no.
我就是这样 事情找上门 我就顺其自然 I never have. If something comes my way, I just let it happen.
而且我爱街头 街头让我有安全感 但… And I love the road, I feel safe there, but...
不适合小孩 it's no place for a kid.
或许当了妈妈会改变我 但… And maybe being a mother will change me, but...
我不能拿她来冒险 I can't take that risk with her if it doesn't.
我这辈子一直都不负责任 I've been irresponsible my whole life.
这是我第一次这么负责任 This is the first responsible thing that I've done.
我一向无法忍受 You know, I can't, I can't stand being around people
跟别人相处超过几天 不过… for more than a few days, but...
这几个礼拜我完全忘了这回事... I forgot about that for the last few weeks...
因为你们是这世上最棒的人 ...'cause you guys are the most amazing people in the world.
真的 Yeah.
你们一定会是最棒的父母 You guys are gonna be the best parents ever.
我们会努力的 Well... we'll try.
太感谢你了 Thank you so much.
好了啦 Stop.
天哪 My God...
ZIMUXIA.CN
关注新浪微博 @FIX字幕侠
嘿 Hey.
我要跟你说说你妈的故事 Uh, I want to tell you a story about your mom.
我决定现在告诉你 趁你还不会说话 And I'll tell you now, when you can't talk back,
趁你还没青春期 还没办法回嘴 and you're not all... teenage and entitled,
免得你长大没办法常看到她 uh, and in case you don't get to see her
这样真的太可惜了 as much as you want in life.
因为我告诉你 Which would be a shame, because, I am telling you now,
你妈她超赞的 she is fucking... awesome.
她怀着你时像个勇士 She carried you like a trooper,
她生你时没有半点畏惧 and she gave birth to you without one moment of fear.
我知道你一定会问她为什么不在 I know, um, you're gonna ask me about why-why she's not around.
很久很久以前 那时没有大城市 A long time ago, before there were cities,
人类喜欢一直搬家 human beings used to constantly move.
他们以狩猎和採集为生 他们的生活艰困刻苦 They were hunter-gatherers, and their lives were tough,
生存残酷 却自由自在 and-and relentless, but they were also kind of free.
你妈 Well, your mom is,
就有点像那时的人类 is kind of like, like a hunter-gatherer,
只是生错了年代 but a little bit born in the wrong time.
所以她没法带着你一起生活 So, she can't take you with her,
因为这个社会无法接受 because this society wouldn't support that.
所以你跟我们一起生活 So you get to hang with us for a, for a while.
我们不以狩猎和採集为生 Now, we're not hunter-gatherers, by any means.
我们是都市人 We're capitalists.
我们在野外无法生存 因为呢... We wouldn't survive a second in the wild because...
野外没餐厅 没超市 没医生 there's no restaurants or Whole Foods,
生病没医院可以看病 or therapists or hospitals for when you get sick
也没书本或电影可以看 or, um, books for you to read or movies for you to watch.
什么都没有 我们喜欢这些东西 对吧 Nothing. And we like those things, right?
所以你要跟我们一起生活 对吧 So you stand to have a-a pretty good time with us, right?
我的书 My book.
那是我的书 爸爸 别看了 My book, Daddy, stop it.
-这是她的故事时间 不是你的 -抱歉 -Story time is for her, not you. -Sorry.
可是好好看 对吧 朱恩 But it's so good, right, June?
-对呀 -对呀 我刚讲到哪里 - Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What was I saying?
讲到"猪市人" About cattle pips.
讲到… 讲到… 都市人 About... about... about capitalists.
-对 讲到... -讲到都市人 对 - Yes. About... - About capitalists.
-都市人 对 -没错 - Capitalists, yeah. - That's nice.
-好棒 有冰淇淋可以吃 -对 没错 - I get ice cream? - Yeah, you do.
有人做冰淇淋给我们吃 And other people make the ice cream for us,
很棒吧 which is great, right?
-妈咪也爱吃冰淇淋 -是吗 - Mommy likes ice cream, too. - She does?
上次我们吃了两球 Yeah, last time, we got two ice creams.
她给你… 妈咪给你吃两球冰淇淋 She gave you...? Mommy gave you two ice creams?
-对呀 -上次 两球 -Yeah. -Last time? Two?
这么小的小朋友 For such a young child?
-好呗 -好呗 - Okay. - Okay.
冰淇淋好棒 对吧 But ice cream's nice, right?
不过两球有点太多 Well, maybe not, maybe not two,
冰淇淋没问题 但两球太多 but ice cream is okay, just not two.
糖分太多 Lot of sugar.
-好啦 来睡觉 -好 - Okay, we're gonna go to sleep? - Yeah.
好 睡吧 All right, go to sleep.
闭上眼睛 Eyes closed.
开始睡觉 Begin sleeping.
赶快 闭上眼睛 Okay, come on, close your eyes.
好孩子 Good girl.