爱情生活 第一季 第五集
很久以来 For far too long,
达比忽略了她过去的那些细节 Darby had ignored the details of her past,
没意识到它们可能是拼成 not appreciating that they might be puzzle pieces
她寻求亲密关系过程中的碎片 in her quest for connection.
但现在 她突然发现自己 But now, suddenly, she found herself
有一种窥探内心的冲动 feeling the impulse to look inward.
达比 Darby?
是的 Yeah.
想进来吗 Wanna come on in?
-好的 -好 - Yeah. - Okay.
现实生活治疗沙发 Real-life therapy couch.
我不应该躺下 对吧 I'm not actually supposed to lay down, right?
怎么舒服怎么来 Whatever makes you feel comfortable.
我要开始说话 还是 So do I just start talking, or...
是的 你可以谈谈你为什么到这里来 Yeah, why don't you talk about what brought you in here?
在电话里 你提到你 On the phone, you mentioned that you were having...
在感情方面有问题 trouble with a relationship?
是啊 Uh, yeah.
总的来说 Uh, well, yeah, broadly speaking,
我觉得是我的问题 but I think it's just me.
我真的不善于表达自己 I'm really not good at expressing myself,
这伤害了我的感情关系 and that's hurting my relationship,
所以我想 解决这问题 so I would love to just, um, fix that, you know?
你能举个例子吗 Could you maybe give me an example?
好啊 例如最近 Yeah, so um, recently,
他想花两千美元买张沙发 he wanted to buy this $2,000 couch,
其实我们并不需要它 and we just don't need it,
我就开始说我觉得 and I started out saying I didn't think
我们没必要在沙发上花那么多钱 that we should spend that much money on a couch,
而且我们也没那么多钱 and we couldn't even afford it,
他对此非常失望 and he was so disappointed by that,
结果我最后说 um, so I ended up saying...
我们还应该买一个搭配的脚凳什么的 we should get the matching ottoman and everything, and...
所以你是个讨好者 So you're, like, a real pleaser.
但现在我很生气 But now I'm angry, so...
我听起来像是 It sounds to me like
他根本不尊重你的欲望 he didn't really respect your desires.
他有点在压制你 He...kind of steamrolled you.
如果你说 "听着 But what would happen if you said, "Hey, look.
我真的很生气你强迫我买那张两千美元的沙发" That really made me angry that you steamrolled me
会怎么样 into buying that $2,000 couch"?
他会生气 He would be mad,
还有 and...
我们会吵架 we would get in a fight, and...
他会和我分手的 he would break up with me.
所以你真的很害怕被拒绝吗 So you're really afraid of rejection?
-大家不是都这样吗 -当然 - Isn't everyone? - Of course.
因为很痛苦 Because it's painful,
有一种羞耻感 and it's shame-inducing.
但这些与你无关 达比 But it's really not about you, Darby.
拒绝不是针对个人的 Rejection is not personal.
当然是针对个人的 It's obviously personal.
拒绝是最针对个人的了 Rejection couldn't be more personal.
我能看出你对于这个话题很敏感 I can see this is a really sensitive area.
我们再聊深入一点 Let's dig a little deeper.
我要你告诉我你第一次 I want you to tell me about the first time
经历过最严重的拒绝 you ever experienced a major rejection.
我想让你描述一下那种感觉 I want you to describe to me what that felt like.
闭上眼睛 直接描述就好了 I want you to close your eyes and just describe away.
我必须闭上眼睛吗 Do I have to close my eyes?
是的 Yeah.
好的 Okay.
那是 So...
我想是卢克 I guess it was...Luke.
五 卢克·杜沙姆
2006年 遇到马格努斯的十年前
我那时15岁 Um, I was 15,
我奔波往返于 and I was getting shuttled, uh,
父母的家 back and forth between my parents,
没有归属感 and I didn't, like, belong anywhere,
所以我做了那件疯狂的事 so I did this kind of crazy thing.
我申请了寄宿学校 I applied to boarding school.
起初 我只是想看看我父母会不会拦下我 At first, I just wanted to see if my parents would stop me.
就像我是全家不可或缺的一分子 Like, maybe I was too integral a part of the family
不肯放我走 但是 并没有 for them to let me go, but, uh, no.
他们对于自己的孩子要搬到千里之外泰然处之 They were totally cool with their child moving across the country.
所以我就走了 说实话 So I went, and honestly,
我以为学校会像霍格沃茨那样 I thought it would look like Hogwarts...
但是并没有 But no.
网站上的照片都是...照骗 Uh, the pictures on the website were...misleading.
这太让人难受了 This honestly sucks.
我不知道你想来 I didn't know you wanted to come.
我是不想去迪士尼巡游 No, I don't want to go on a Disney cruise.
我怎么会想跟你们一起去迪士尼迅游 Why would I want to go on a Disney cruise with you guys?
沃特·迪士尼就是个纳粹分子 Walt Disney was a Nazi.
妈 我只想在家待着 Mom, I just want to be home.
如果你想待在家里的话 If you wanna be home,
也许你当初就该待在家里 maybe you should've stayed here in the first place
而不是跑去寄宿学校 instead of running away to boarding school.
好吧 好吧 Okay. Okay, fine.
那我就自己过感恩节 Then I'll just have Thanksgiving by myself.
去你爸那怎么样 What about your father's?
他们肯定愿意让你过去 I'm sure they'd love to have you too.
不 南希她妈现在在那住 No, Nancy's mom lives there now,
我肯定又要睡气垫床 so I'd just have to be on an Aerobed again.
拉里在那边蜗居 Wow, Larry's really caving over there.
那样能舒服吗 Is that even comfortable?
本来就不是为了舒服的 It's not supposed to be.
是格雷丝吗 Oh, is that Grace?
你不能跟她回家过感恩节吗 Can't you go home with her for Thanksgiving?
不行 她要去她男朋友那 No, she's going to her boyfriend's.
不用担心我 镇子上有哈迪快餐 But I'll be fine. There's a Hardee's in town.
轻点作 宝贝 Don't be dramatic, sweetheart.
我上船之后给你打电话 I'll call you from the ship.
我能跟你去科尔比家吗 Hey, do you think I could go to Colby's with you?
那样会不会很怪 Or would that be weird?
除非你想看我们做爱 Only if you wanna watch us fuck.
感恩节假期
阿什顿 凯林 Hey, Ashton. Hey, Kaelin.
我都不知道你们假期还待在这 I didn't know you guys were staying in town for the break.
不在这待着就得去我们老不死的奶奶家 Either that or go to our fucking dumbass stupid grandma's house.
-我叫索菲 -我叫达比 - I'm Sophie. - Hey. I'm Darby.
总而言之 So anyway...
到现在为止 我的整个假期 yeah, I've pretty much spent the whole break so far
都在玩《侠盗猎车手之圣安地列斯》 playing "San Andreas."
我听说坦克特别厉害 I heard the tank is tight.
你升级到有坦克的级别了吗 Have you gotten to the level with the tank?
没有 但是我有那个的外挂 No, but I got the cheat code for it.
酷 Tight.
不好意思 Sorry.
大家好 What up, pimps?
你好 'Sup?
你不冷吗 Aren't you cold?
不冷 怎么了 我们在室内 No. Why? We're inside.
我是说 你... Well, I mean, you're just--
电影《谋杀绿脚趾》中的角色
你穿得就像"督爷"勒保斯基 you're dressed like the Big Lebowski.
我可能就是体热类型的 Well, I guess I just run warm.
你好 我叫卢克 And what's up? I'm Luke.
化学课我就坐你旁边 I sit next to you in Chem.
我去 是的 对不起 Oh! Shit. Yes, no.
好的 我认识你 对不起 Okay. No, I know you. I'm sorry.
你要不要喝点水 You want some water?
不是水 是威士忌 It's not water. It's Popov.
但是别声张 But keep it low-key.
音乐剧《猫》怎么样了 How's "Cats" going?
听着特别棒 Yeah, sounding pretty good over there,
真有音乐天赋 frickin' musical guy.
我扮演罗腾塔格 所以... I'm playing Rum Tum Tugger, so...
怎么了 What's up?
我讨厌感恩节 I hate Thanksgiving.
我懂 我也是 Yeah, I know. Same.
太扯蛋了 今天晚上连《橘郡风云》都没有 And it's ridiculous, 'cause "The O.C." isn't even on tonight,
我一点都不理解 which-- which makes no sense to me,
因为我觉得如果有哪晚适合播《橘郡风云》的话 'cause I feel like if there were a night for "The O.C." to be on,
那就是今晚 it would be tonight.
我知道 我也这么想的 I know. I know. That's what I was thinking.
我刚才去影音室准备看了 I went to the AV room to try to watch it, and...
是吗 我是从加州来的 Yeah? I'm actually from California.
不是吧 太酷了 Wait, no way. Sick.
-所以它让我想到了老家 -是吗 - So it reminds me of home. - Yeah?
不错 Cool.
等等 你吸进去了吗 Wait, did you inhale it?
是啊 Yeah.
我想是的 I--I think I did.
-你确定吗 -我也不知道 - Are you sure? - I don't know.
这就对了 There you go. Nice.
你怎么不回家 Um, so why didn't you go home?
非暴力抵抗 Just civil disobedience.
什么意思 What do you mean?
我父母都是共和党人 No, my parents are just fuckin' Repubs,
我爸还是酒鬼和伪君子 and my dad's a drunk and a hypocrite.
你家是哪的来着 Where are you from again?
得州圣体市 Corpus Christi, Texas.
-真狂野 -是啊 - That's wild. - Yeah.
所以你家是石油大亨吗 What, are you, uh, like, an oil baron?
不不 我爸是说客 No, no. My dad's a lobbyist.
他认识被切尼打脸上那家伙 Yeah. He knows the dude that Cheney shot in the face.
难以置信吧 他跟我爷是朋友 Yeah, I know. He's boys with my grandpa.
我爸是正在戒酒的酒鬼 Yeah, my dad's a recovering alcoholic.
所以你在这待着吗 Is that why you stayed here?
不 算是吧 我也不知道 No. I mean, kind of. I don't know.
我爸妈在杰克逊霍尔 No, my parents are just in Jackson Hole,
我今年不想过去 and I didn't feel like going this year.
那是我的初吻 That was my first real kiss.
那一刻 感觉神奇极了 In the moment, it was-- it was magic,
现在我意识到 I mean, now I realize
他的舌头笨拙得像监狱里的土制刀一样 he was using his tongue like a prison shank.
-你不走门吗 -不 - You don't use your door? - No.
连送披萨的都知道在杜沙姆家要走窗户 Even the Domino's guy knows to use the window at Casa Ducharme.
-来 -谢了 - Here. Here. - Yeah. Thanks.
快跑 Go, go!
准备好了吗 All right, ready?
这个不错 That one's cute.
这张很好 That was good.
-我们能行的 -没问题 - We got this. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
你喜欢哪种音乐 What kind of music do you like?
我喜欢抒情的 I like mellow shit.
比如这首 Like this.
听过吗 Know this one?
你喜欢约翰·梅尔 You like John Mayer?
我喜欢约翰·梅尔 他最棒了 I love John Mayer. John Mayer shreds.
我之前说谎了 Hey, I lied before.
是吗 什么事 Yeah? About what?
我家人没在杰克逊霍尔 My family isn't in Jackson Hole.
我真不知道为什么那样说 I--like, I really don't know why I said that.
好吧 Okay.
没事 It's all good.
你很棒 You're amazing.
你也很棒 You're amazing.
显然 你很喜欢那个人 So clearly, you really liked this guy.
但问题是 达比 But the question is, Darby,
面对感情 你怎样做了 what did you do with those feelings?
没做什么 Nothing, really.
那时是高中 Um...yeah, I mean, it was high school,
我们都不怎么熟 so we barely knew each other,
也不是什么大不了的事 and it just wasn't-- it wasn't that big a deal.
达比 心理诊疗只有在你 Darby, therapy really only works
愿意跟我敞开心扉时 才有效 if you're willing to open up to me.
我不是在这儿吗 I'm here, aren't I?
是的 而这是第一步 Yes, and that's the first step.
对不起 只是... I'm sorry, it's just...
你几乎算是个陌生人 you're basically a stranger.
也许这才会更容易 Maybe that makes it easier.
好吧 Okay.
科尔比家怎么样 How was Colby's?
他表哥撞见我们做爱了 His cousin walked in on us,
但是除此之外都很好 but otherwise, it was fine.
你不会相信放假的时候发生了什么事 Okay, you won't believe what happened over break.
我和卢克好上了 I hooked up with Luke.
卢克·杜沙姆吗 Luke Ducharme?
对 Yeah.
还挺神奇的 Yeah, it was kind of magical.
我都不知道你这么大胆 Wow, I didn't know you had it in you.
就像第一天晚上 Yeah, I mean, just like, the first night,
我们在餐厅碰面 we met up at the dining hall,
然后就这样发生了 and then... it just kind of happened, you know.
但是你说好上了是什么意思 Okay, but what do you mean you hooked up?
我们接吻了 Like, we just kissed.
但是我们整个假期期间都在一起 But we spent literally the whole time together.
就像是我们坠入了爱河 It was like we were in love.
那你们现在算是怎么样 So what's your guys' deal now?
是在交往还是什么 Are you, like, dating or something?
不 我... No, I mean, I'm...
我不太确定 Yeah, I'm not really sure.
反正没有正式交往 I mean, not officially, anyway.
我们还没聊这个话题 We haven't had the talk yet, you know.
我和他一起上微积分课 I have Pre-Calc with him.
他就是个花花公子 You know he's, like, a total player.
是的 Yeah.
我们关系很随意的 We're just keeping it casual, you know.
真的没什么 It's no big deal, really.
真不错 Nice game.
谢谢 Yeah, thanks.
怎么样 What's up?
不怎么样 Not much.
好吧 Okay. Well, hey.
其实我在考虑搞罢工反对伊拉克战争 I was actually thinking about staging a walkout
你想的话可以来参加 against the Iraq war, if you felt like joining.
也许 也许吧 Mybe. Yeah, maybe.
或者我们可以抽点大麻 Or-- or we could just smoke weed
看看新一季的《橘郡风云》 and watch the new "O.C."
我不行 I can't.
我只是... 我的化学要考砸了 I'm-- I'm just-- I'm really screwed in Chem
因为我在假期里都没好好学习 'cause I fucked off, like, all break.
嗯 不 我记得 Yeah. No, I remember.
不过那都是值得的吧 It was worth it, though, right?
当然 是的 Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yes.
但我该... 我要继续去比赛了 But I sh-- I sh-- I need to get back to the game.
好 去吧 Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead.
-拜 -我们开始吧 - Bye. - All right, let's do it.
说实话 从那之后 事情越来越糟 Honestly, things got worse from there.
我会在校园里看到他 I would see him around campus,
但感觉就像是我们之间什么也没发生过 but it was just like nothing ever happened between us.
典型的青少年之间的事 Just classic kid shit.
而我却做了我不应该做的事 And I did the opposite of what I should have done.
我去参加了《猫》的试选 I literally auditioned for "Cats"
就为了能接近他 just to be close to him.
天呐 卢克 你唱得太好了 My God. Luke, that was amazing.
你在唱的时候 我真的热泪盈眶 Like, I seriously had tears in my eyes when you were singing.
谢谢 Thank you.
听着 Look...
我想我们应该谈谈 I think we need to talk.
你最近表现得很奇怪 You've just been acting really weird.
没有 我保证我不是不理你 No. I haven't been ignoring you, I promise.
说真的 那些课让我忙疯了 Seriously, things have been so crazy with classes,
然后还要参演歌剧 我只是... and then, you know, I've got this, and I just--
你喜欢魅力猫吗 You like that, Rum Tum?
老爸 Hey, Dad.
你好吗 东海岸人 How's it going over there, East-Coaster?
很好 我就是在学习 什么事 It's fine. I'm just studying. What's up?
感恩节的时候我们都想你了 孩子 Well, we missed you at Thanksgiving, kiddo.
我也想你们 Yeah. I missed you too.
其实我有个消息要告诉你 Hey, so, some news, actually.
南希又怀孕了 Nancy's pregnant again.
达比 Darby?
达比 你还在吗 喂 Darby, are you there? Hello?
我不知道该说什么 对不起 Look, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.
没 这很好 恭喜 No, it's--it's great. It's great. Congratulations.
那是什么 小熊软糖吗 What are those? Gummy bears?
蠕虫 Worms.
什么 What?
是蠕虫软糖 They're gummy worms.
不错 Nice.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
就那么发生了 他卷了根大麻烟 然后 It just happened. He rolled us a joint, and then...
没任何意思 我保证 It didn't mean anything. I promise.
我和科尔比刚分手 Colby and I just broke up,
我想着因为你和卢克只是在一起玩 and I figured since you and Luke were just hanging out...
别哭 Oh, don't cry.
你会找到别人的 You're gonna find somebody else.
别说了 我 Stop, I've--I've--
我根本不在乎 好吗 I don't even care about this, okay?
我生活里有更大的事 I have way bigger shit going on!
-所以你不生气吗 -不 我只是 - Oh, so you're not mad? - No! No! I ju--
我刚发现我得了癌症 I--I just found out that I have cancer!
操 Fuck.
好吧 Wow, okay.
我们来理清一下 Let's unpack that.
你觉得你为什么那么做 Why do you think you did it?
天 我也不知道 God, I know. I don't know.
就 Just, um...
大概因为我是个愚蠢的高中生吧 like, being a dumb high-schooler, I guess?
我知道 但问题是 达比 I know, but the thing is, Darby,
很多人会经历分手 that a lot of kids get broken up with,
但他们不会到处跟人说他们得了癌症 but they don't go around telling people they had cancer.
我听说了 I heard the news.
我很遗憾 I'm so sorry.
嗯 我还得去做几个检测 Yeah, I have to get a couple more tests done,
但情况不太妙 but it's not looking good.
如果你需要任何帮助 If you need any help,
我叔叔是斯隆凯特林癌症研究所的肿瘤学家 my uncle is an oncologist at Sloan Kettering.
谢谢 Thanks.
谢谢 Thank you.
你怎么样 还好吗 How you doing? You okay?
早日痊愈 Get well soon.
它的名字是勇气 His name is Courage.
-并不是说你需要 -她真好 - Not that you need it. - She's so sweet.
显然你已经很勇敢了 You're obviously already brave.
-我的天 你太体贴了 -谢谢 - Oh, my God. That's so sweet. - Thank you.
我不知道我为什么要撒那个谎 I don't know why I told the lie in the first place,
但我撒了以后 我就害怕 but once I did, I just got scared that all this love,
要是我坦白的话 and everyone fawning over me,
大家对我的关爱就会消失 would just go away if I came clean.
达比 我很遗憾 Darby, I'm so sorry to hear.
学校在现在或者期末期间能为你做什么 Any accommodations the school can make now or during finals,
请告诉我 please let me know.
我的办公室随时欢迎你 My office door is always open.
可幸存的癌症
你有空吗 Do you have a minute?
你听说他们吊死了萨达姆吗 So did you hear that they hung Saddam?
你假期的时候怎么没跟我说你有癌症 Why didn't you tell me you had cancer over break?
我不 Look, I just--I didn't--
我不想让你担心 I didn't want to worry you.
你忙着排练音乐剧 You had so much going on with the play.
别担心我 Don't-- don't worry about me.
我爱你 I love you.
什么 What?
-你真的爱我 -是的 - You actually love me? - Yes.
那你跟格蕾丝之间是怎么回事 Well, what about the whole Grace thing?
那个 听着 跟格蕾丝做就是个错误 That--listen. Grace was a mistake.
我很抱歉伤害了你 I'm just-- I'm sorry I hurt you.
没事 It's okay.
妈妈
我知道你做了什么 I know what you did.
那之后 我就从学校退学了 Um, after that, I withdrew from school, so...
真他妈丢人 Yep. Fuckin' embarrassing.
听上去比丢人还严重 It sounds more than fuckin' embarrassing.
听上去像是对心理造成了创伤 It sounds fuckin' traumatizing.
嗯 Yeah.
那事挺傻的 Well, it was a pretty stupid thing to do.
你父母是什么反应 How'd your parents react?
他们 Uh, well, they...
他们来接我 they came to get me.
他们一起来的 难以置信 They came together, actually, which was crazy,
因为他们那个时候已经离婚超过十年了 'cause they'd been divorced for over a decade at that point.
好了 我们走 Come on. Okay. Let's go.
至少你的头发还在 Well, at least you still have your hair.
不是吧 拉里 Oh, seriously, Larry?
现在是开玩笑的时候吗 Does this seem like a good time for a joke?
哇卡哇卡 Wocka-wocka.
我很想知道这会如何影响你的成绩单 I'm wondering how this is gonna look on your transcript.
克劳 我们得善解人意 Claud, we need to be sensitive.
显然问题不在于此 Clearly, this is about something else we have to deal with.
我们要怎么拿你的东西 How are we gonna get all your stuff?
那些我们在容器商店里买的东西 All those things we bought at the Container Store.
妈 能别说这个吗 Mom, can we please just not do this here?
我们能走吗 我不能 Can we please go? Like, I can't--
我现在不想待在这儿 I can't be here right now.
拜托 Please.
我们买了很多东西 It was a lot of stuff we bought.
你知道 达比 You know, Darby,
有时我们觉得我们在追逐一件事 sometimes we think we're chasing one thing,
实际上却在追另一件事 and we're actually chasing another.
天 Oh, God.
时间到了 Time's up.
好 Um, right.
你说是多少来着 Uh, how much did you say it was?
175 Uh, it's 175.
我这儿有个新玩意 I have this new little thing here.
下周二再见 对吗 And I'll see you next Tuesday, right?
我会通知你 Um, uh, I'll let you know, yeah.
我不懂怎么用 I don't know how in the hell.
这边 往下 It's this side and that-- Down.
-往下 -对 - Down, down, down, down, down. - Yep.
天 看啊 好了 Oh, my God. Look at that. There we go.
达比 现在到下周之间 You know, Darby, um, between now and next week,
我想要你反思 I want you to reflect on
是什么让你觉得你不值得被爱 what it is that makes you feel like you don't deserve to be loved.
我没这么说 I didn't say that.
你为什么那么做 亲爱的 So why'd you do it, sweetheart?
显然 是因为别的什么 Clearly, this is about something else.
没什么 就是 Oh, it's--it's nothing. It was just a--
就是个破笑话 真的 it was just a funny joke, really.
很幼稚 就是个幼稚笑话 It was stupid, but it was just a stupid joke.
达比 Darby...
你知道我们很爱你 you know we love you very much,
但这是无法接受的 but that is unacceptable.
克劳迪娅 你这样没用 Claudia, that's not gonna help.
请别削弱我的威信 Please don't undermine me.
是我们的错吗 是我的错吗 Is it our fault? Is it my fault?
我只是很难过 I'm just so sad.
但我很开心我们要回家了 因为我 But I'm glad we're going home, 'cause I just...
我只想和你们一起回家 I just want to be home with you guys,
虽然你们并不欢迎我 even if you don't want me there.
我们当然欢迎你 我们爱你 Of course we want you there. We love you.
你来这儿的时间不长 You haven't been here that long.
肯定没人会记得你 I bet no one will even remember you.
达比在那之后没有继续去做心理治疗 Darby did not return to therapy after that,
因为她觉得再深度挖掘下去 for she sensed that digging deeper
会需要她颠覆她的全部生活 would require her to upend her entire life,
而她的生活是建立在精心打造的幻想之上 which was built on the carefully constructed fantasy
以为结婚是某种 that getting married was some sort of proof,
能彻底证明她惹人爱的证据 once and for all, that she was lovable.
亲爱的 你在干什么 Babes, what are you doing?
我们走 Let's go.
好 Okay.