为什么不找我 Why didn't you call me?
阿里 我该拿茱尔丝怎么办 Ali, what am I supposed to do about Jules?
《迷醉》前情提要
其实挺好笑 It's funny. When I think about it.
我还是怪茱尔丝造成了这一切 I still blame Jules for all this shit.
为什么 Why?
我本来戒毒了 也打算不再吸毒了 I was clean, and I was, like, gonna stay clean.
我多数时候也很开心 And for the most part, I was pretty happy.
都怪茱尔丝 And fucking Jules.
她骗了我 It's like she lied to me,
利用了我 and-- manipulated me.
承诺永远跟我在一起 Talking about how we're gonna be together forever.
结果 她离开了我 And then, she ditched me.
这样啊 I didn't know that.
就像在车站那晚 Like the whole thing at the train station.
她劝我跟她私奔 Her trying to get me to run away with her.
求你了 我爱你 Please. I love you.
我没想到她真会走 I didn't think she was actually gonna go.
她真会离开我 You know, like leave me.
茱尔丝 我很想你
你想从哪说起 So, where do you want to start?
我不知道 I don't know.
好吧 你为什么逃离了 Okay. Why'd you run away?
♪宝贝 真心伤了我♪ ♪ Baby really hurt me ♪
♪出租车中哭泣 他不想了解我♪ ♪ Cryin' in the taxi, he don't wanna know me ♪
♪说他卷进我混乱的人生 乃人生大错♪ ♪ Says he made the big mistake of dancing in my storm ♪
♪痛斥我荼毒于他♪ ♪ Says it was poison ♪
♪我还是回家吧♪ ♪ So I guess I'll go home ♪
♪回到我心爱的女孩怀中♪ ♪ Into the arms of the girl that I love ♪
♪我人生中唯一没有毁掉的美好♪ ♪ The only love I haven't screwed up ♪
♪她很难取悦♪ ♪ She's so hard to please ♪
♪但她如森林之火♪ ♪ But she's a forest fire ♪
♪我拼尽全力满足她♪ ♪ I do my best to meet her demands ♪
♪浪漫之歌下 我们客厅中起舞♪ ♪ Play at romance, we slow dance in the living room ♪
♪但于外人眼中♪ ♪ But all that a stranger would see ♪
♪只是一个女孩一厢情愿地独舞♪ ♪ Is one girl swaying alone ♪
♪抚摸着她的脸颊♪ ♪ Stroking her cheek ♪
♪对方说 我驾驭不了你♪ ♪ They say, "You're a little much for me ♪
♪你是一种负担♪ ♪ "You're a liability ♪
♪我驾驭不了你♪ ♪ You're a little much for me" ♪
♪于是对方离开 继续人生♪ ♪ So they pull back, make other plans ♪
♪我明白 我是一种负担♪ ♪ I understand, I'm a liability ♪
♪让你疯狂 强迫你离开♪ ♪ Get you wild, make you leave ♪
♪我对任何人来说 都是一种负担♪ ♪ I'm a little much for e-a-na-na-na, everyone ♪
♪真相是 我只是一个玩物而已♪ ♪ The truth is, I am a toy that people enjoy ♪
♪直到无法再取悦对方♪ ♪ Till all of the tricks don't work anymore ♪
♪就会被人厌弃♪ ♪ And then they are bored of me ♪
♪我知道夜中狂欢令人兴奋♪ ♪ I know that it's exciting running through the night ♪
♪但每个欢乐夏日 都在消耗着我♪ ♪ But every perfect summer's eating me alive ♪
♪直到你离去♪ ♪ Until you're gone ♪
♪还是依靠自己吧♪ ♪ Better on my own ♪
♪对方说 我驾驭不了你♪ ♪ They say, "You're a little much for me ♪
♪你是一种负担♪ ♪ "You're a liability ♪
♪我驾驭不了你♪ ♪ You're a little much for me" ♪
♪于是对方离去 继续人生♪ ♪ So they pull back, make other plans ♪
迷醉 特别集（二）
♪我明白 我是一种负担♪ ♪ I understand, I'm a liability ♪
♪让你疯狂 强迫你离开♪ ♪ Get you wild, make you leave ♪
♪我对任何人来说 都是一种负担♪ ♪ I'm a little much for e-a-na-na-na, everyone ♪
♪但他们会看着消逝于阳光之中♪ ♪ But they're gonna watch me disappear into the sun ♪
♪你们都会看着我消逝♪ ♪ You're all gonna watch me disappear ♪
♪于阳光之中♪ ♪ Into the sun ♪
我们能不说这事吗 Can we not talk about that?
为什么 Why?
说不清 I don't know.
因为我只是一时糊涂 没考虑清楚 'Cause it was just like a, like a dumb, not-well-thought-out plan,
我喝醉了 一些事让我状态不好 and I was, like, drunk and reacting to shit.
什么事 Reacting to what?
我真不想说这事 Come on, I, I really... don't wanna talk about it.
好 Okay.
那你想说什么呢 What do you want to talk about?
我想停掉荷尔蒙药物 I think I want to go off my hormones.
好 Okay.
你有考虑重新做回男性吗 Have you been thinking a lot about de-transitioning?
并不是 No.
那是什么情况 Okay. Then what is it?
说不好 我就是在考虑以后的路 I don't know. I've just been, like, thinking about what's next.
指哪方面 In what sense?
我也说不清 I mean... I don't know.
感觉挺有意思 I guess it's-- I guess it's interesting,
我逃离之前 'cause, like, before I ran away,
我去城里见了一些老朋友 I had gone to the city to visit some old friends, and...
我们当时也谈起这件事 we were having this exact conversation.
基本上 Basically,
我感觉自己以取悦男性来塑造女性身份 I feel like I've framed my entire womanhood around men.
而实际上 When, like, in reality,
思想层面上 我对男人都不感兴趣了 I'm no longer interested in men. Like, philosophically.
男人的渴求 Like, like, what men want.
男人的欲望都太乏味了 Like, what men want is so boring.
粗鄙而无新意 And simple, and not creative, and, like--
我不禁自省 I just, like, I look at myself,
我怎么会用整个人生来构建这样的自我 and I'm like, how the fuck did I spend my entire life building this.
身体 性格 灵魂 Like... Like, my body, and my personality,
按照男性偏好来塑造 and, like, my soul around what I think men desire?
这实在令我不知如何自处 It's just, like... it's embarrassing.
我感觉自己太假了 I feel like a... a fraud.
你的话里有很多内容 I feel like there's a lot to unpack within what you just said, okay,
但我主要听到的是 but the main thing I heard,
你对自己太过苛刻 is how hard you are on yourself.
你的这种自我批判太多了 The amount of self-criticism you're experiencing,
负担太大了 it's a lot.
我明白 Yeah.
但这很必要 But I, I think it's necessary.
你确定吗 Are you sure?
希望如此 I mean, I hope so.
不然我就真是脑子出问题了 Or else, then I'm really fucking crazy.
你没问题 茱尔丝 You're not crazy, Jules.
你只是不该对自己过分严苛 You're just a lot harder on yourself than you probably should be.
嗯 Yeah.
承认这一点很重要 Acknowledging that's important.
但我说的也是事实 Yeah, but, but also, like, what I'm saying is true.
如果不自我批判 我会不知所措 Like, without the self-criticism, I'd be lost.
也可能获得自由 Or free.
这两种感觉都令人忐忑 Both can be scary feelings.
你真心觉得你的存在 You really feel like your entire existence,
身体和情感上 都是一种被动塑造吗 physically and emotionally, is, is that reactive?
什么意思 What do you mean?
眼前跟我交流的不是茱尔丝 That I'm not looking or talking to Jules?
而是她用来应对世界而创造出的人格 I'm looking at an avatar she created in reaction to the world?
是 我身在你眼前 Yeah. Yeah. I'm here. You know.
但你眼前的这个我 是我从小到大 But you're looking at, like, a million layers of other people
汲取了各种人的特征 塑造出的形象 that I've grabbed and clung to throughout my entire life.
这让我害怕 That's, like, that's terrifying.
所以我跟朋友谈起时觉得 It-- I mean, that's why I think when I was talking to my friend about this, or...
或者说 Or...
怎么说呢 Well, I don't, I don't know.
这毕竟是第一次诊疗 I guess this is, like, this is our first session.
我不想一下子就深入到童年生活 I don't want to get into all, like, the childhood bullshit,
因为负荷太重了 'cause it's a lot.
无法承受 It's exhausting.
但我和朋友聊起时 But when I was having this conversation with my friend,
我们谈论的是 we were talking about how,
我感觉一直以来 I feel like my entire life,
我都在努力获得女性特质 I've been trying to conquer femininity,
半途中 and somewhere along the way,
女性特质淹没了我 I feel like femininity conquered me.
怎么了 What?
什么 What?
你刚才想说什么 What was that thought?
就是 Like...
大多数女孩 初识时 Most girls, when you first talk to them,
都会自然而然地分析你 跟你比较 they, like, automatically analyze and compare themselves to you.
界定你属于哪一个等级 And then, you know, they, they search for where you fit in their hierarchy,
据此来对待你 and then they treat you accordingly.
什么等级 What hierarchy?
你跟约定俗称的女孩样子 有多相似 Like, how close you are to what they all collectively want to be.
她们心中的样子 Like, in their heads.
好吧 Right.
即使她们擅长用微笑 点头 和闲聊 And, you know, even if they've, like, mastered the art of hiding it with,
来掩饰这种小心思 like, smiles and nods, and small talk,
你依然能察觉到 it's, like, you'd still catch them doing it.
她们的目光在你脸上游移 Like, like their eyes wandering over your face, or...
或者迅速地上下打量你 or, you know, the quick takes up and down your body.
观察衣服是否衬得起身材 Or like, they watch how your clothes hang off your torso,
打量衣服牌子 看你在哪里购物 or, like, they look for what tags are on your clothes to see where you shop,
看你的手 or they'll watch your hands to find, like,
有没有难看的死皮 指甲油是否剥落 fucked-up cuticles or chipped nail polish.
其实 Honestly,
这种注视本可以是一种感官体验 it would, it would be a kind of sensual experience
可这实在是太令人毛骨悚然了 if it wasn't so fucking terrifying.
她们想找到你的缺陷 So they want to find flaws.
大多数女孩都是 Yeah. Most girls.
但小茹不是 But not Rue.
你脑中第一个想法是什么 What's the first thing that comes to mind?
没有一个女孩曾像小茹那样注视我 No girl had ever looked at me the way Rue did.
她是第一个人 不只是注视我 I just, I feel like Rue was the first girl that didn't just look at me.
而是看到真正的我 Like, she actually saw me.
我也不想说得很俗气 I mean, not to say that in, like, a cheesy way,
但听起来很俗气吧 'cause it sounds cheesy, right? Like...
其实听着像种解脱 Honestly, it sounds like a relief.
嗯 Yeah. It...
但我说"我"时 But, I mean, like, when I say me,
是之前我说的那个自我 I mean, I mean the me that I was talking about earlier. Like...
那个层层伪装下的真我 The me that's underneath a million layers of not me.
我难以想象是什么样的感受 I can't imagine how that must have felt.
是啊 Yeah.
那种感觉很好 Yeah, it felt good.
有点像母亲看孩子的神情 Kind of reminds me of how a mom would see you.
顺着这个念头说下去 Keep going with that thought.
像妈妈在你变成任何模样之前一样看着你 Well, just like, how a mom sees you before you're anything.
她爱这个最原本的你 And, like, loves you just for that.
无需做什么 她都爱你 And all you have to do is just, like, sit there and exist.
你妈这样看着你吗 Is that how your mom saw you?
我不知道 I, I don't know.
婴儿阶段 小孩子什么都不记得 I mean, like, the time we're talking about is before you can remember anything.
我不清楚 So... I don't know.
你想象中你妈这样看你吗 Is that how you imagine your mom saw you?
我希望是这样 I hope so.
我收回刚才的话 我不想谈我妈 I take that back. I don't wanna talk about my mom.
我真不是有意问起 I promise you, I have no agenda.
你想谈什么 我们就谈什么 We can talk about whatever it is you wanna talk about.
我想停掉荷尔蒙药物 I mean-- yeah. I think I really wanna go off my hormones.
好 Okay.
也不是停掉所有药 Or... Well, not like everything.
先停掉阻断剂吧 Probably just my blockers.
我手臂里"植入" 了一个"高科技芯片" I have, like, this weird sci-fi chip implant in my arm.
组氨瑞林吗 Supprelin?
是 阻止我变声 Yeah, and it, like, stops my voice from dropping.
阻止睾丸发育 My balls from getting bigger, you know?
刚好跟男人的欲望相反 The kind of shit that men wouldn't find desirable.
我也说不清 I don't know.
我一直觉得青春期是变得壮硕 I've always thought of puberty as, like, a broadening,
声音深沉 骨骼厚重 or a deepening, or like, a, a thickening.
所以我一直很害怕青春期 Which I, I think is, like, why I was always so scared of it, you know?
因为在我头脑中 女人总是 'Cause in my head, women were always, like,
娇小可人 纤细瘦弱 small and thin and delicate, and...
想到经历青春期之后 You know, so, like, the thought of puberty, like this...
从此蜕变成大人 irreversible, forever fucking metamorphosis
这个想法让我心惊 was just, like, fucking terrifying.
经过青春期的成长 And, you know, that, like, when it happened,
我就会进入成人世界 I'd just, like, end up on the other side.
茫然中迷失自我 Like, stuck.
或者更惨 变成一个男人 Or even worse, just, like, a man.
完完全全变成男人 Like, like, through and through.
而女孩的样子 And then femininity would always be this just, like,
就会变成遥不可及的梦 this, like, elusive, distant thing, you know?
永远离我而去 Like, unreachable.
但是呢 But-- but then,
我会想 美好事物同样宽广而深沉 I think about beautiful things that are also broad and deep,
以及厚重感 and thick, and I think of...
比如大海 something like the ocean.
原创翻译 双语字幕
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我会想 I think, like...
翻译 DuskSpree
我想变得跟大海一样惊艳 that I want to be as beautiful as the ocean.
翻译 兔牙Bobby猫♥2021惊奇的一年！
因为海洋拥有刚强之美 'Cause the ocean's strong as fuck.
又有女性柔美 And feminine as fuck.
校对 兔牙Bobby猫♥2021惊奇的一年！
刚柔并济 造就了大海的魅力 And, like, both are what makes the ocean the ocean.
时间轴 兔牙Bobby猫♥2021惊奇的一年！
我外婆以前住在海边 My grandmother used to live by the ocean.
后期 渔·夫 ☆
我们每次去看她时 And-- when we'd go visit,
总监 Elena777
都会来到海边 we'd go down to the beach.
我会闭上眼睛 And-- I'd close my eyes...
水中畅游 And I'd just swim, and swim.
不在乎方向 And it didn't matter, like, where I was going,
无问西东 or what could happen.
我有时会向大海祈祷 Sometimes I'd pray to the ocean.
至少对我来说 成为变性人是灵性转换 At least for me, being trans is spiritual.
不涉及宗教 You know, it's not religious.
不是为了什么宗教会众 It's not, like, for some congregation.
而是为了自己 是我自己的人生 It's for me. It's mine. It belongs to me.
我不想一成不变 And I don't ever want to stand still.
我想活出精彩 Like, I want to be alive.
这是人生的全部意义 I mean, that's what this has always been about, is, like...
活出自我 staying alive.
唯一的问题是 The only problem is,
这个过程中 我可能失去了小茹 I might have lost Rue along the way.
怎么说 What do you mean?
我联系了她很多次 Just that, like, I've, I've called her a bunch of times,
她不接我电话 and-- she hasn't picked up, and...
我好像搞砸了我们的关系 Like, I think I-- I think I really fucked up.
但我当时慌了 But, like, I was panicking.
不知所措 Like, I was really panicking.
不是我戏精上身 Without, like, getting melodramatic...
但我度过了很艰难的六个月 I've had a really hard six months.
搬来这里 生活很不顺心 Like, moving here has been really hard.
怎么说呢 And, like, I don't know. Just kind of...
各种破事全都搅在一起了 A bunch of shit all happened at once. And...
我慌了心神 like, I just freaked out.
惊慌失措 我感觉 Like, I panicked, and I felt like if I,
如果我不离开 我就会死掉 if I didn't get out, I was gonna fucking die.
怎么说 How?
目前我没法开口说 太难受了 It's maybe, like, a little hard for me to talk about right now.
你有想过伤害自己吗 Were you thinking about hurting yourself?
怎么说呢 I mean--
自残这个想法和想去实施自残 there's a difference between thinking about hurting yourself,
这是两回事 但是 and-- wa... wanting to hurt yourself. But...
怎么实施的念头越来越强了 I think that gap was closing.
于是我选择了逃离 So, I ran.
我抛下了我很爱的一个人 And I left someone, like, I really love, behind.
抱歉 我也不知道为什么哭 Sorry. I don't know why I'm crying.
因为心痛 'Cause it hurts.
没错 Yeah.
该死 Damn.
但与此同时 Like, at the same time, though,
我又很生小茹的气 I'm, like, really angry at Rue.
我感觉 I feel like...
她不吸毒 her sobriety is, like,
完全取决于我能否伴她身侧 completely dependent on how available I am to her.
她会让我留下陪她过夜 You know? Like, she'd ask me to sleep over,
我会找理由拒绝 and I'd say no for, like, whatever reason,
比如又不是周末之类 because it was a fucking weekday, or something.
然后 And...
我会感到一种心理负担感 I'd just, I'd feel, like, this weight.
好像肩上承载了无法承受之重 Like, this massive weight on my shoulders,
我会想 and I'd think, like...
她又复吸怎么办 Like, what if she relapses, you know?
因为我没陪在她身边 她才复吸怎么办 Like, what if she relapses 'cause I'm not there?
但我们之间的依赖其实是双向 But I guess it goes both ways, because...
因为 you know...
我真的爱上她了 I fell completely in love with her.
成了 That was it!
天呐 God.
你真做到了 Yay! You did it!
谢谢 Thank you.
我今天跟你妈联系了 I talked to your mom today.
她从感化院搬出来了 She moved out of the halfway house.
她已经戒瘾九个月了 She's been clean for nine months.
别这样 Don't do that.
别翻白眼 Please. Don't roll your eyes.
-我太了解她的套路了 -嗯 - Come on. It's Mom. - Yeah.
你可以生她气 You can be angry with her,
我也理解 and I understand that,
但你不能完全否定她的好 but you can't just dismiss the good.
我有权对她持观望态度 Well, I'm allowed to be skeptical.
她提起想见见你 She did say she wanted to see you.
我就知道 I knew it.
我就知道你有言外之意 I knew this was not just gonna be, like,
不是简单提一句妈的情况 some conversation about how well Mom is doing.
你跟她说 "谢了 不见" You can tell her, "No, thank you."
好吧 Okay.
我很怕跟小茹提起我妈的事 I was afraid to talk to Rue about, like, shit that was going on with my mom,
因为我怕她会觉得我对她的态度 because she'd think that I felt the same way about her
就像我对我妈那样 that, like, I do my mom.
你不是吗 Well, don't you?
什么 What?
你对小茹和你对你妈态度不一样吗 Don't you feel the same way about Rue as you do your mom?
不一样 No.
你刚还说 你很生小茹的气 You just said you were angry at Rue
因为她的依赖让你有负担 for the imbalance she created in your relationship.
这不就是说 你讨厌对方这种过度依赖吗 So, would it be fair to say that you resented that imbalance?
真正看到你 珍视你的这个人 That the same person who saw you, who truly saw you,
就如你是婴儿时 如你母亲看你的这个人 in the same way that your mom did when you were a baby,
同样看不清自己的毒瘾 对你的影响 was also incapable of seeing how her additions affected you.
我之前没这么想过 I mean-- I guess I've, like, never thought about it that way before.
妈 妈 Mom. Mom!
别说了 For-- Stop.
我说了 我有个互助戒瘾会 然后就回家 I told you. I'm-- I have a meeting and then I'll be home.
我没事 Yes. I'm fine.
我真没事 I'm literally fine.
好 Okay.
我回去时 我会给你发短信 Okay, I'll text you when I'm on my way.
爱你 Love you.
我感觉现实生活总是让人失望 I feel like real life is always such a letdown.
什么意思 What do you mean?
怎么说呢 I don't know. It's just, like--
网聊比较容易 easier to talk to people online.
可以敞开心扉 更加坦诚 You can be more open, and honest,
卸下心防 展现真实 and, like, vulnerable.
害羞小伙118 我今天好想你
害羞小伙118 你真要去纽约上大学吗
茱尔丝 希望如此吧
茱尔丝 你要跟我一起去吗
害羞小伙118 你希望我去吗
茱尔丝 那就太完美了
我谈过最深刻的恋爱 Some of the most profound relationships I've ever had
都是来自网恋 have been with people I've never met.
我应该料到自己被下套了 I should have known I was setting myself up.
也许我心里知道吧 Or maybe I did know.
也许我因此才这么热衷网恋吧 Maybe that's, like, what I'm actually attracted to.
飞蛾扑火 Maybe that's, like, the appeal.
自毁倾向 The letdown.
这一切都是一场骗局 The fact that, like, none of it's real.
只是我的一场幻想 And it's all a fantasy.
茱尔丝 我都不知道你长什么样子
害羞小伙118 你想象中什么样子
你都没见过他的样子 You've never even seen his face.
我也不用见 I don't have to.
我已经很了解他了 I've gotten to know him, like, really well.
你说是就是吧 Sure.
确实是 I have.
胜过任何人 Like, better than anyone else.
胜过你 Other than you.
但他也有可能是骗你 Except he could be lying.
小茹 这世道骗子多了 Rue, anyone could be lying.
信我 小茹 这不是我的臆想 Trust me, Rue. It's not in my head.
你们俩肯定处得来 I think you two would actually really get along.
我很容易爱上一个人 I fall in love so easily.
真的 我也很鄙视自己这一点 I really do. It's, like, almost embarrassing.
为什么这么说呢 Why do you think that is?
因为每段感情大都是我的爱情幻想 Because half of every relationship is in my head.
怎么了 What?
就是觉得认识你很幸福 Just happy I met you.
我也是 Me, too.
等下 小茹 Wait, Rue.
你已经戒毒两周了 You've been clean for, like, two weeks.
小茹 太棒了 Rue! No fucking way!
我真为你骄傲 I'm so proud of you!
我有好多次都想亲她 There were so many times I wanted to kiss her.
但我没有 But I, I didn't.
-我去喝杯水 -好 - I'm gonna go get a glass of water. - Okay.
这世上 除了你 我谁都不喜欢 I hate everyone else in the world but you.
而当她真亲了我 And when she finally did...
对不起 我还是走吧 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I should go.
我僵住了 I froze.
你觉得为什么会那样呢 Why do you think that is?
因为我从没亲过女生 'Cause I had never kissed a girl before.
我从来都没跟一个女生这么亲近过 I'd never even, like, been that close to a girl before.
所以发生这种事时 So when it happened,
我当时一心不想失去她 the only thought I had was, like, don't lose her.
我就是想谈一下那晚的事 I was just hoping we could talk about what happened earlier,
我知道我当时有些尴尬 'cause, like, I know I was really weird, and--
但我没有其它意思 I didn't, like, mean it that way or anything.
就是 So, yeah-- just--
我想跟你谈一下 给我回电 I just wanna talk to you. Please call me back.
回聊 Bye.
你为什么会觉得你会失去她 Why did you think you would lose her?
因为 Because, like...
小茹怎么可能像我爱她那样爱我呢 How could it be possible that Rue loved me as much as I loved her?
你更应该问自己 I think the better question is
为什么你觉得不可能呢 why would you think that would be impossible?
害羞小伙118 我什么时候才能见你啊
我们之间经常不间断地发信息聊天 I can't tell you how many times we'd just be, like, texting and texting.
废寝忘食 And the next thing I know,
有时惊觉已凌晨四点 it would be, like, four in the morning,
然而我还没睡 也不想入睡 and I hadn't slept, and I didn't want to.
我永远不会跟她这么说 Like, I'd never tell her this, but...
我感觉更了解他 多过我对小茹的了解 I feel like I got to know him better than I knew Rue.
我们总是不断发情色信息 We used to sext forever.
各种场景 自行脑补 Like, about anything and everything.
我知道听起来有些扯 I know it might, like, sound a little weird, but...
但真是我最爽的性爱体验了 It was, like, genuinely the best sex I've ever had.
让你深层满足的原因是什么 What made it so fulfilling?
因为可以随自己意愿去幻想 It was just pure fucking imagination.
我一整天都幻想着你 All day I've been thinking about you.
害羞小伙118 正幻想你呢
害羞小伙118 以及我想如何"宠"你
我刚锁上了卧室门
我要是能看到你的脸就好了
以及你眼中的色彩
如果我说我爱你 你会脸红吗
害羞小伙118 我要操你
害羞小伙118 操到你淫水四溢
我要把你操到淫水四溢 I'm gonna fuck you until you're soaking wet.
泰勒 Tyler?
为什么没有我们的合照 Why are there no photos of us?
因为一直跟我网聊的这个人根本不存在 Because whoever I was talking to didn't exist.
泰勒 Tyler?
茱尔丝 没事 Jules, it's okay.
过来 Come here.
这一切怎么会是假的呢 How could none of it have been real?
感觉如此真实 It felt so real.
我真后悔认识他 I wish I never met him.
我还是很爱泰勒 I'm still in love with Tyler.
我不知道这种感情会何时消失 And I don't know when that's gonna change.
小茹 Rue...
小茹 Rue.
跟你说件事 Guess what?
小茹 Rue!
小茹 Rue?
小茹 Rue!
也许因为我妈的缘故 Maybe it's 'cause of, like, everything with my mom.
我心底产生过这样的噩梦 But I just had this, like, really bad nightmare about...
跟小茹一起住在纽约 living in New York City with Rue.
而我回家时 When I got home--
她在浴室 she was in the bathroom.
小茹 Rue?
吱个声呗 Can you please answer me?
但她将自己反锁在浴室 But, like, she had locked it from the inside.
小茹 拜托 Rue, please!
小茹 开门 Rue, open the door!
而当我打开门时 Then, like, by the time I opened the door...
我都没法说出来 I can't, like, say it out loud.
小茹 小茹 Rue! Rue!
小茹 Rue!
别啊 Come on--
小茹 Rue!
小茹 开门 Rue! Open the--
别这样对我啊 Don't fucking do this to me!
茱尔丝 Hi, Jules.
你今天真好看 You look really pretty.
我想过来打声招呼 I wanted to say hi, and--
没事 你先坐一下 It's okay. Hang tight.
你怎么不跟我打声招呼就让她过来了 How could you just, like, fucking ambush me like that?
你怎么能这样对我 How could you fucking do this to me?
怎么不提前跟我说一下 Like, why didn't we talk about this?
因为我知道你肯定不愿意见她 Because I knew that you wouldn't give her a chance.
是啊 Yeah.
因为有原因啊 Yeah, there's a reason.
我现在没法应对这种情况 Like, I can't handle this right now.
如果我觉得你应对不了 就不会这么做了 I wouldn't have done this if I didn't think you could handle it.
怎么 这还是为了我好吗 What? So, like, it's for my own good?
茱尔丝 她戒瘾很久了 她目前状态良好 Jules, she's been clean. She's doing really well.
她只想在戒瘾恢复中弥补过去的错误 All she wants as part of her recovery is to make amends.
什么 Wait, what?
她想道歉 She wants to apologize.
你他妈逗我玩吧 You have to be fucking kidding me.
她想让我原谅她吗 She wants my forgiveness?
让我原谅她 My forgiveness?
怎么 So that, what,
她不是因为罪责感而往死里酗酒吗 she doesn't, like, fucking drink herself to death because she's so guilty?
你别这么无情 Don't be fucking cruel!
我不在乎 I don't care!
你在乎 Yeah. You do.
我发誓 爸 我真不在乎 I swear to God, Dad, I don't fucking care!
行 Okay. Fine.
如果你真不在乎 If you really don't care,
这对你来说没有任何意义 and this really means nothing to you,
那就下楼 then just go downstairs
让她跟你道歉 and let her apologize.
不是真心也无妨 Even if it's not real?
不是真心也无妨 Even if it's not real.
好吧 Okay.
行 Okay. Fine.
茱尔丝 Jules.
这事过去一周后 It was a week later.
万圣节之夜 On Halloween.
茱尔丝 求你了 Jules, I'm begging you.
开门吧 Open the door!
这周就聊到这里吧 Okay, well, that's all the time we have for this week.
如果信息量太大 我很抱歉 Sorry if that was a lot.
你绝对不用跟我道歉 I'm the one person you never have to apologize to.
谢谢 Thanks.
我知道这是第一次心理治疗 I know this is our first session,
我也知道你本来不想来 但我很高兴你来了 and I know you didn't want to come, but I'm glad you did.
希望你也能这样想 I hope you are, too.
对自己耐心一点 别着急 Okay, so, just be patient with yourself.
祝你新年快乐 And have a wonderful New Year.
圣诞快乐 Merry Christmas.
我是犹太人 I'm Jewish.
犹太人过光明节
对不起 Sorry.
不必 Don't be.
圣诞节更好 It's a way better holiday.
好的 Okay.
-茱尔丝 -小茹 - Jules? - Rue?
我就是骑车去见阿里 I, I was just... riding my bike-- to go meet Ali,
经过你家 and I passed your house.
我 And I...
怎么说呢 圣诞节 I don't know. I-- It's Christmastime, so...
就是 你爸让我进来了 I just... Your, your dad let me in.
他对我很恼火 Yeah. He's really mad at me.
我被禁足了 I'm grounded.
还有看心理医生 And-- in therapy. So--
我很想你 I really missed you.
我也很想你 Missed you, too.
我很抱歉 And I'm really sorry about, like,
那天车站的事 everything that happened at the train station,
就那样离你而去 and leaving and stuff.
实在太缺心眼了 It was really fucking stupid.
该死 我也不知道为什么会哭 Fuck. I don't know why I'm crying.
我就是每逢佳节倍伤感而已 I just get really emotional during the holidays, that's all.
没事 It's okay.
圣诞快乐 茱尔丝 Yeah, Merry Christmas, Jules.